AFTER INFIDELITY

If you are a woman who has cheated on her husband or boyfriend and you are now dealing with the destructive aftermath and feeling extremely guilty, I empathize. I, like you, have been where you are and it's a difficult place to escape ... if you don't know how.

After having an affair eight years ago, out of the blue the man calls me to tell me he "wanted to make sure I was okay," and ended the call with "I also wanted to tell you I still love you after all these years."

Since 1994, we have worked with thousands of marriages, many affected by infidelity, though all the other problems have been represented in quantity as well. Control and domination, addiction, anger, step-family difficulties, in-law problems, and more lead people to contact us for help. They do not always call to seek help to save their marriages; sometimes they call because they feel confusion about whether they should divorce or try to reconcile their marriages.

Letting go of anger isn't easy; it latches on and won't let go. However, there are far more reasons to permanently release this negative emotion than to cling to it. Here are six ways to leave your anger behind so you can be more at peace after divorce.

We have all been there. You’re in a relationship and find out that the one you love and trusted with all of your heart has betrayed you by “giving it up” to someone else. There’s no predictability involved in the scenario. You might think that things are at their best. Sometimes you might even acknowledge that things aren’t all that great but it’s something you want to work on. You are not exactly sure why he cheated, all you know is that you are mad as hell and caught up with the pain of a broken heart. How can you get past this?

How it Feels: On some level, one of the best ways anyone can relate to what it feels like to catch your spouse cheating is akin to how the world felt on 9/11. I bet you know exactly where you were and what you were doing when you found out. Your life, and time itself, stopped. Living in New York, I can tell you that’s how it felt here on 9/11.

Sex addiction. Each word evokes complex thoughts, images, and responses. Put the two together and there is the possibility for controversy and confusion. Is sex addiction real, or is it just the latest cop-out for bad behavior?

Can Trust be 100% Restored after Infidelity? Trust is such a hard thing to gain, and such an easy thing to lose. Trust is the key ingredient in any relationship. Trust is love Trust and unconditional love go hand in hand

Is it selfish to confess an affair to your wife or husband? If it makes you feel better but makes them feel worse, is that OK? And, how are they ever going to trust you again once your infidelity sees the light of day? 5 Ways To Move Beyond An Affair In this video, Relationship and YourTango Expert Janie Lacy offers her advice to a reader who has cheated on his wife and is debating whether or not to come clean.

When someone cheats on you it’s like your whole world has crashed down on you. It’s hard to get up and continue on with your life. It’s possible though, you just need to know how to do it. Understanding how to help yourself will get you back on your feet and feeling stronger in no time.  Step #1: Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain

Trusting someone isn't easy after they've betrayed you. You want to believe what they say, but how can you really ever know if they are telling the truth, once they have lied to you?

Demi likely got a nasty surprise when the papers outed Ashton’s rumored wild night in a hot tub recently. Why was it a shock? Because Demi wasn’t there. Unless they have an open arrangement, they are going to have to do a lot of work to repair their marriage from the hurt, deceit and embarrassment caused by this scandal. While your relationship may not be making headline news, women across the world will have to plow through the same trials that Demi may soon go through, after finding out that their partner has betrayed them.

What do you do when your very public husband is caught cheating? It’s in the news, the Internet, the radio and every source you hear or see right now. Powerful men acting like “Pigs” as Nancy Gibbs so eloquently wrote in her recent article in Time (no offense to the four- legged ones). When I read or see these reports my mind asks many questions. Who are these women cheating with these men, and what is wrong with them? But more curious to me is how a woman decides whether to leave or stay?

We'll be honest here... There is no 100% guarantee that your partner will not cheat again. There is no 100% guarantee that you two will stay together. At the same time, there is no guarantee that your partner WILL cheat again (or at all). There is no guarantee that you two will break up either. That's the thing about life and relationships. They can be nearly impossible to predict.

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D. When one partner "wrongs" another, the ensuing guilt can have a major impact on the relationship. Let's take a look at apologies and why they can be reparative: An Apology — The Expression of Guilt

Been wondering why the man who cheated on you is also furious at you? Where does he get off blaming you when he was the one who cheated? When my ex told me he was leaving I kept asking him why he was so angry with me, what did I do that was so terrible? He insisted that it wasn’t about me. “Why do you always think everything is about you?” he’d snap at me. I guess he meant it was about her since he had fallen in love with someone else. Then why was he so angry at me? Why did he blame me for the demise of the relationship, why did he seem to feel entitled to leave me for someone else, why the constant rage?