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Beat a player at his own game.
By Tamara Sanon — Written on Nov 20, 2022
When you put yourself out into the dating world, you'll no doubt come across a player or two (or more!), and may end up getting played when you feed into their false identity. Players are never direct. It’s the spontaneity and uncertainty that comes with being with them that attracts us.
In fact, players are just regular guys who tend to be attractive and charismatic. That’s why we are attracted to these men almost instantly. These guys are very good at flirting, using pick-up lines, and playing mind games because they’ve had a lot of practice. And that's not a good thing.
The characteristic that truly separates players from other men is their ability to manipulate women. They utilize mixed signals to fool us.
Players are hot and cold because they don't want you to think you're in a relationship with them, but they also don’t want you to think you're single either. They want to keep the relationship “undefined.”
By not defining things, your relationship is automatically categorized as a "situationship." What does that mean? It means he wants all the boyfriend perks without any commitment. He wants your loyalty, but cannot give you his because you aren't his girlfriend.
The main reason he confuses you is so he can keep you around. Some guys are players because they can’t get a woman without manipulating them. Manipulation is a tactic to make you obsessed with this guy so you never want to leave.
The other type of player is the guy who just wants to be with as many women as possible. He has no desire to commit to anything long-term. He sends mixed signals because he’s involved with several women at once. This type of player intends to play the field. It’s not about finding love, it’s about getting to as many bases as he can in the shortest amount of time.
Think about it: today the player buys you flowers and showers you with compliments. Then tomorrow, he doesn’t text or call you at all.
These hot and cold interactions strategically keep you on your toes regarding the status of your relationship.
We all know that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so when he ghosts you, he wants you to be thinking about him. But when you think about him, that's when you start second-guessing yourself, wondering what you did wrong and how you can keep him interested.
You rationalize his inconsistent behavior and start to reason that he’s ghosting you because of something you did. You hold on to hope that he’ll treat you right, even though it’s clear he’s playing you.
So, what's the difference between a player and a guy you should be dating?
A guy who sees your value would never have an undefined relationship with you or play you. He knows that if he doesn’t commit, he runs the risk of losing you to another man. He’ll view you as too good of a woman not to commit to you.
He acknowledges that playing games and sending mixed signals will turn you off. A man that truly wants you will be direct in how he pursues you.
The best way to avoid players is to have standards. Don't allow just any guy to treat you like less than you deserve, no matter how attractive or charismatic he may be.
Many women are so willing to make things work, but we have to let go of relationships and men that are toxic.
So, if you want to avoid getting played, here are 8 signs he's a player and will never commit to you:
1. He never has deep conversations with you
A player wants to keep all the conversations fun, light, and airy. He knows that if you get into an argument, he’ll no longer be in your good graces. Being on your good side increases his likelihood of getting what he wants.
The truth is, players don’t care enough to ask those deep questions or to get to know you on a more personal level. He's completely satisfied with just small talk and flirting.
2. He only texts you late at night
A player doesn't view you as a priority, so reaching out to you is the last thing on his mind. He contacts you only when it’s convenient for him. Players are notorious for sending the “wyd?” text. And we all know what that means.
3. He never takes you out on a date
Watching Netflix together isn't a date. While there’s nothing wrong with staying in and watching Netflix together, it becomes a problem when that’s all you do.
A man who values you will invest in you, and that means he’ll want to take you out on a date. A player doesn’t see your worth so he’ll avoid spending as much money as he can on you. That's why staying in and watching Netflix is always his preferred date.
4. He love bombs you
Players are here for a good time, not a long time. He’ll bombard you with "good morning beautiful" texts and numerous lovey-dovey emojis early on in hopes that you’ll believe he truly cares about you.
In actuality, he's love bombing you and doing all he can to get you emotionally attached as quickly as possible. It's all so he can get what he wants out of you.
5. He wants to progress things physically really fast
More often than not, players are after one thing: getting you into bed. They want to see how far they can get with you. A player isn't concerned about building an emotional connection; he just wants to “chill and see where things go.” When a guy says that, he’s almost always a player.
A guy who isn’t a player may be moving fast physically, too. The difference is that he’ll listen when you want to slow down, and he'll do anything to make you feel comfortable.
Your connection with him won’t be undefined, and he’ll make it clear. For example, he may not be ready to be in a relationship just yet, but he’ll opt to establish exclusivity.
6. He hides his phone from you
He’s hardly ever in an exclusive relationship, and when he is, he’s being unfaithful. Players always have other girls texting and calling them. He doesn’t want to get caught up messing with other women, so he tries to hide his phone.
He figures that if you don’t see the evidence, he can lie his way out of any cheating allegations. He might even say that you're asking to see his phone shows you don’t trust him and that it stems from your “insecurities.”
7. His stories don’t add up
You’re constantly catching him in lies, and he constantly denies it. Even if you have proof, he’ll say it’s not him or that it's not true. Players always have an excuse and a pass for why they’re doing something they're not supposed to.
8. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family
A guy that's playing you won’t want you anywhere near his loved ones. He doesn’t see himself having a long-term relationship with you, so he isn’t going to merge his life with yours.
When you truly like someone, you want to share as many aspects of your life with them. Players, on the other hand, want your involvement with them to be separate from that part of their life.
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Tamara Sanon is a writer with a passion for covering topics about health and wellness, lifestyle, astrology, and relationships.