What Is Roaching — And 5 Signs You're Being Roached

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what is roaching
Love

First there was ghosting, and now this...

Remember good old fashioned "ghosting"? It seems like the term for straight up disappearing on someone you're dating without so much as a goodbye being thrust into the spotlight just yesterday. 

But the term only created a domino effect of various other taboo dating terms, like stashing, submarining, and haunting.


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And now there's a new one for us to worry about: Roaching. 

As if it's not enough that the term conjures up an icky image of the slimy insect that crawls out of your trash can, now you have to worry about how actual humans can roach you. 

What is roaching? The latest dating term, coined by AskMen, refers to not just something that would obviously piss anyone off in the dating world, but a real health risk. 

Roaching refers to a new partner hiding the fact that they are sleeping with other people early on in the relationship. While it's not bad to keep things casual when you're dating, it is very uncool to not let someone know that things are going to be that casual. 

As the AskMen article states, "Accidentally or on purpose, your new lover lets slip that they're seeing someone else. Maybe it's casual. Maybe someone they just met, or an old flame who's back in town. Maybe it's not even a seeing so much as a 'matched with' or 'was DMing' — but it still throws you for a loop.

'What?' they ask you. 'I thought it was just casual between us.'"

The name "roaching" came about because of the idea that when you see one cockroach, there are many more that you simply don't see. 

The term is infuriating. But you can do something with that anger you're now feeling. Be prepared to communicate

The talk is never fun to have, and can seem awkward early on, but you should have no shame in asking someone, even on a first date, if their intention is to date around. As more time together occurs, you should certainly communicate where you're both at.

Saying you want to keep things casual is confusing. It should be as specific as saying that you either want to date around and hook up with other people, or commit your time to each other and see if it goes anywhere without dating around or having one-night stands with strangers


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When there is little to no discussion, people are taking advantage of the unknown. One person might see the time they're spending together as exclusive, while the other assumes not having "the talk" means they can do whatever they want.

Bottom line? Be sure you're on the same page, or else you're subject to getting roached.  If you're not sure you're being roached, these five signs will clue you in: 

1. They get nervous every time you go near their phone.

Maybe their phone keeps buzzing with text messages. You two are cuddling and there is no way they can look at their texts without you seeing them, so they keep ignoring the buzz. You finally go to grab their phone and tell them they need to look at it, and they get extremely flustered. 

2. They respond with "maybe" when you try to nail down plans. 

It's one thing if they don't want to hang out every day, or if they have plans with family or their friends they've been telling you about, but if they often respond with "maybe" every time you try to make a plan, it might be because they're trying to keep their options open for someone else they're also seeing. 

3. They don't want to hang out with you on the weekend. 

If you find that any option for a quiet night in on a Friday or a late night out on the town is never up for grabs with you, they might be trying to sleep around, and don't want you to interfere with what the weekend can bring.

4. They don't want to have "the talk."

Unfortunately, without communication, there is too much of a gray area here. To really know, you need to be able to discuss your boundaries.

If they don't want to talk about what you are, where things are going, and if they're sleeping with anyone else, they might be too afraid that their answer is going to scare you off, like admitting they ARE sleeping around. 

5. You find yourself always accusing them of sleeping around.

Not typically the jealous type but keep finding yourself concerned? Sometimes the biggest sign you're being roached is your gut feeling.


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Alexa Erickson is a lifestyle writer who specializes in reporting on sex and dating tips, and news, health and wellness, travel, and beauty. An avid yogi, hiker, beach bum, music and art enthusiast, salad aficionado, adventure seeker, animal lover, and professional writer, she is an active individual who loves to express herself through the power of words.

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