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The relationship is clearly over but neither of you wants to let it go.
By Laura Lifshitz — Last updated on Jul 05, 2023
The two of you were once crazy about each other, but now, one or both of you is not quite on board like before. You’re both going through the motions and the spark seems to have faded drastically.
Neither of you is eager to let go, but neither of you has the desire to change things. So there the two of you are, dangling by a thin thread.
Are you headed for a major breakup or can you salvage what's left of your relationship?
Here are 9 signs your relationship is just hanging on by a thread:
1. You're constantly crying
One or both of you seems to break out into tears as if it’s in your job descriptions. It usually comes from out of nowhere — so real and pure, you’d think you were professional actors. The tears are a culmination of the fear of things being down or, perhaps, things unsaid.
2. Your friends don't want to hang out with you as a couple
I’m not saying that you two have no friends anymore, but no one wants to hang out with both of you together. It’s too awkward to watch the two of you unravel. If your friends do spend time with you both, they are known to break into referee roles now and then.
3. You've talked about breaking up
You two “discuss” the relationship more than you actually have a relationship. Unlike the couple whose relationship is veering on thin ice, you two actively discuss and fight it out over what you two should do, yet there is never a “final” decision.
4. Your sex life has gone cold
You’re having sex, but it ranges from distant to critical. Someone’s toe is being smushed. Another person is touching too hard. Someone needs you to finish because of a headache. The sex is happening but the pain and anger are under the surface, disrupting what should be true intimacy.
5. Your family weighs in all the time
The relationship is officially known as troubled and so, of course, your family just has to weigh in. They tell you what they think. They ask questions. They fret over what the situation is doing to them.
It’s as if everyone is sitting back and waiting with bated breath to see what is going to happen.
6. You and your partner are dating other people
Yes, the two of you have tested the waters with other people. You both know about these dates, which makes it even worse.
In some cases, you two are just trying to make each other jealous; with others, attempting to see if it’s really better on the “green” side of things; and in others, you're just doing it because the other person went out with someone else.
7. You're testing trial separations
For those of you who see signs your relationship is over, if you’re living together you probably already have tried a trial separation or are on the verge of doing so. The end result will be tearfully coming back to each other but still not knowing how to get along, or threatening to break up.
8. You have drunken or late-night breakdowns
Oh yes, one of you at the very least, if not both of you, have broken down in the middle of the night either face to face or via text or phone call to break down.
Usually, it’s a confession of all you’ve done wrong and how badly you want to make it better. At some point, the frantically loud sadness turns into either a fight or somber silence in which you or your partner can’t cry another tear.
9. You feel like you're watching your relationship drift by
If your relationship is hanging on the last thread, it sort of feels as if you’re watching a train go by. Your partner seems to be going off in another direction without you, in slow motion. Or, it’s you that’s trailing off, yet nothing can be done to stop it. It’s heart-wrenching.
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Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured on YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more.