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It's me, hi, I'm the problem. It's me.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 02, 2023
If there was one thing that really caused me to fail in the dating world, it was my natural knack for scaring away guys. In fact, I was a master at it back when I was still on the market. To a point, I might have actually mastered the art of doing things that scare men away.
The truth is that a lot of guys were right to be scared away. In most cases, they met me when I was at my very lowest and was struggling with keeping myself together. In other cases, I actually was trying to scare them away as a way to make them run away, simply because I didn’t want to deal with arguing with a man over rejection.
I’m not alone when it comes to being a “crazy” acting girl who scares away guys who could otherwise be interested. It’s hard to tell what you’re doing wrong, too. Worried you're doing things that scare men away? Here are the most common ways girls do it.
Here are 12 quick ways women scare men off:
1. Talking about marriage and kids too quickly
It’s a cliché, but it does happen. Women who try to bring up marriage and kids too soon on a date typically are shocked that guys bail on them. Guys are very wary about the potential of being a means to an end. If they think you are more interested in a wedding or a baby than them, they will run.
2. Talking about your ex, a lot
Nothing quite says, “I’m not over my ex,” like talking about him a bunch during a date. It doesn’t matter if you’re comparing the date favorably to the ex, either. Besides, it’s hard to blame them for getting scared off; no one wants to feel like a second banana to an ex!
3. Getting totally blitzed during a first, second, or third date
I’ve been there, and yes, I know how bad it looks. Sadly, getting that wasted will scare away most guys who are looking for a relationship, simply because they’re not looking for a trainwreck.
4. Showing rage issues, especially when it deals with men
For men, there are very few things quite as terrifying as a woman with anger issues. If they see you fly into a rage, they will get scared away pretty quickly.
5. Getting super-sexually aggressive, extra quick
At first, you won’t think you’ve scared him away with this. Most guys will go for it. However, from what I’ve seen, girls who get hyper-aggressive in a sexual way aren’t the ones guys want a relationship with. (Their loss!)
6. Acting like a Nice Girl™
Yes, girls can have Nice Guy Syndrome, too. It’s just as unappealing with girls as with guys.
7. Being upfront about being in a bad situation
I know how bad it is to want a knight in shining armor to save you. Trust me, I’ve been there. Unfortunately, we live in an age where men don’t want to be heroes to women anymore. In fact, most guys tend to want girls who are in better situations than they are, and the ones who aren’t into that tend to be predatory toward women.
If you want a hero, don’t be a damsel in distress. It will scare away most men and attract only the worst.
8. Not having any hobbies, friends, or a life of your own
Yes, I’ve also been there... sort of. This will scare away guys because it’s absolutely suffocating to feel like you’re the only life a partner has.
The truth is that guys want someone who’s multidimensional and would be able to enhance the life they already have. If you seem like you have no hobbies or life outside of men, they’ll get scared away.
9. Getting irrationally jealous
Jealousy is not sexy. It’s scary, and guys are legitimately scared of dating a woman who would pull a Fatal Attraction with them. That being said, if you can’t handle your feelings of jealousy, it may be time to take a break from dating.
10. Being a drama queen
If you seem like you’re a real-life Regina George, most guys will back away. Mean girls are not girls that guys want to date seriously, nor are girls who seem like they would end up stirring up drama for drama’s sake.
11. Begging for a date and acting desperate
Desperation isn’t sexy. It doesn’t matter if you are gorgeous with a good job; guys don’t want a desperate chick.
If you literally begged him to date you, hound him with text messages, and snap if he doesn’t answer back, you shouldn’t be shocked that he decides to ghost. You’d probably do the same, right?
12. Revealing TMI details
A wise person once said that spilling one’s guts is about as attractive as it sounds like it is. It’s not sexy and often is a red flag for guys who want an emotionally stable girl.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.