38 Subtle-But-Critical Signs You're Being Abused By A Narcissist

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signs you're being abused by a narcissist
Heartbreak, Self

Watch out for #5.

If you've ever had the misfortune of being wrapped up with a narcissist, then you already know what one of these horrible human beings are capable of. Since there is no concern for anyone else but themselves, they can prove to be some of the most toxic people that you could ever associate yourself with, especially when it comes to being in love with one of them.

Narcissists see others as pawns, essentially. You are able to carry out their demands, not really thinking twice about them and always letting them have their way.

 

 

When you are so deeply lost that you can't even recognize yourself, how do you recognize the signs you're being abused by a narcissist?

It's completely normal to have a handful of bumps in any relationship, but if you can relate to more than a couple these, it might be time to rethink things. Below are 38 signs that should point you in the right direction.

1. You find yourself apologizing, a lot.

Narcissists will never give you an apology, especially if it's something that they did. They already know what they've done and they are going to refuse to acknowledge all of the consequences that follow after their cruel deeds.

If the person you are dealing with seems as if they are never going to apologize, it could be because you are dealing with a toxic narcissistic person. In their world, they are never the one who is in the wrong, only all of the other people who should've done things "differently" so that this never even happened.

2. You try to carefully control your words, actions, tone of voice, and any details you share with your partner out of fear of upsetting them.

Narcissists are prone to being arrogant, especially when you are trying to confront them on the things that are hurting those around them. They will consider this a personal attack from you and decide that you are doubting them at every turn, that you've never supported them or their ideas, and that you are the worst person on the planet.

Again, you may think that this is an over exaggeration but this is truly how a narcissist feels whenever someone defies their wishes. These people will always prove to be toxic in the end.

 

Related: I'm A Self-Aware Narcissist And Here Are 18 Truths About Loving People Like Us

 

3. All of a sudden you have developed a problem with trust, jealousy, and anger.

You overreact to the smallest things and your partner points this out to you often.

Narcissists do not hesitate with their jealousy and will proudly display it whenever they see something they don't have. They are the most envious whenever they see someone who is essentially better than they are and will act out in every single possible way to deprive that person of praise or attention.

All of this seems like a bit much for one individual to carry out, but it's true. A narcissist absolutely hates it whenever they find someone or something that is just far beyond their league and they know it's going to drive them crazy thinking about how much that specific thing is going to gain that much more attention than them.

4. You find yourself telling lies to avoid angering your partner.

You may notice this warning sign in your partner if they are abusing drugs, alcohol, or any other kind of substance. It will become extremely obvious when they have been caught lying, their entire demeanor changes, and will try to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible.

According to research that was conducted on pathological gamblers and antisocial personality disorder, results had shown over 73 percent of people reacted being accused of lying would try to hide their gambling-like mannerisms.

5. You feel afraid of your partner and fear what he/she might do next.

Another thing that you will notice about a narcissist is that they are always needing constant approval from everyone. If there is even one person who defies them this praise they will act out in a temper tantrum to the likes that no one has ever seen before. You may think that this is an over exaggeration but I promise you it's not.

Narcissists thrive off of attention which is one of the reasons why they keep you and everyone around for so long is because they need that validation. You may think that they could get anyone to do that, yes they could, but if you aren't doing it then you will witness what it's like to get on their bad side.

6. You feel hopeless.

Narcissists will never show any kind of form of compassion or empathy other than for themselves. Unless you are giving them something that will benefit them, they will never express any kind of empathy to you at all. They expect people to give them things in exchange for their presence.

Every narcissist believes that they are worth a lot more than everyone else claims to be. If you've noticed these aspects to someone, then it's one of the signs you're being abused by a narcissist.

7. You’ve started writing down details about your fights with your partner so you can remember what actually happened and not what your partner says happened at a later date.

Narcissists will take any kind of opportunity to avoid taking responsibility for something they did. Most of the time, they will flat out deny any kind of confrontation when it comes to dealing with responsibility.

They feel as if they are completely able to get away with things without consequences following them soon afterward. They believe that it's your fault for being hurt for the things they did to you and essentially it's also your fault for having feelings in general. Anything that is aimed toward making them look bad they will deny and retort with vile insults.

 

 

8. You started drinking, using drugs, overeating, or not eating at all to cope with the abuse.

A sociopath will leave you feeling as if you were never of their concern to begin with sometimes. They will avoid meeting your wants and needs in order to get what they want in the end game.

A sociopath does not care about the way you feel, what you have to say, or show any concern for your physical well being. Their conflicts have now become your conflicts and there is no way of getting around it.

9. You are irritable and snappy.

If you have done everything in your power to confront your partner about their self-destructive habits and they are unwilling to change for you or themselves, then you really have no other choice in the matter.

This is a very unfortunate way for someone to live their life, but this does not mean that you have to throw yours away for theirs just so they can find a toxic way to be happy. You must find a way out of this relationship with this person in order for your physical and mental well-being.

10. You do what he/she wants out of fear that he/she will punish you with the silent treatment, cheating or withholding love and affection.

One of the many qualities of a narcissist is that they will blame you for just about everything that you can think of. Especially when it comes to your feelings, because if you decide to suddenly confront them on the way that they are making you feel then they will turn the tables around and tell you that it was your fault the entire time for feeling that way.

If you are not constantly lavishing them in praise or over-exaggerated positive feedback then they will call you a liar, a sneak, or anything else to avoid receiving any kind of negative criticism. They are never the person you should blame simply because they feel as if nothing is ever their fault.

11. You feel worthless.

These kinds of people have very little empathy for those around them and especially their "loved ones". They care only about themselves, hardly ever apologize for the mistakes they've made, expect you to praise them regardless of whatever horrible thing they just did, and are even able of turning the tables on someone who is calling them out on all their crap.

These people are extremely toxic and the people who are stuck in these kinds of relationships should consider leaving them entirely.

12. You are playing detective.

You Google them, stalk their Facebook page and any other form of social media they have. Narcissists are prone to be chronological liars simply because anything they can lie about to make themselves look ten times better than what they already are then they will do it.

It doesn't matter who's in the room with them; they will lie right on the spot in front of so many people just to highlight anything about themselves to make them look good. It doesn't matter where they are or what is going on, anything it takes to be the beautiful individual that everyone wants to be apart of, they will make it their primary goal for the rest of the day or night.

13. You make excuses for your partner’s bad behavior.

You tell yourself they didn't mean the cruel things they said. If you didn't make them so angry they wouldn't say that. Narcissists are some of the most vindictive beings that you could ever meet and they know how to hold a grudge when they want too.

The only time that they ever feel as if they need to hold a grudge on someone is as if you are asking for the simplest of things, like a healthy/normal relationship with them. If you even come at them with the slightest bit of "inconvenience" they will tear you down and make sure that you are properly punished for your obtuse suggestions. The more time you allow them to stew in their resentment, the more intense it will become.

 

Related: 3 Things Narcissists ALWAYS Use Against You (And How To Respond)

 

14. You no longer trust anyone.

Above all else, a narcissist will always boast about themselves as if they were the crown jewels. A narcissist will not let down any opportune moment for them to speak highly of themselves to others.

Again, it's all about that false validation, they will do absolutely everything and anything to obtain it. This is one of the biggest signs you're being abused by a narcissist right off the bat. Especially if you are meeting this person for the first time ever.

Since you are a clean slate this means that they can talk about every false little achievement they've made in their life up until this point. If you're lucky you might even get a chance to speak.

Being treated this way leads you to never trust anything anyone says to you. Everything the narcissist says to you is basically a lie, why would you want to trust anyone else now?

15. You believe if you change, your narcissistic partner will change and you will have a happy relationship.

Narcissists are always taking advantage of the others around them. Everyone is essentially a piece of their master plan which involves getting exactly what they want no matter who gets in their way.

The thing with a narcissist is that they will find new and inventive ways to manipulate you, your friends, and anyone else who decides to be apart of that person's life. There really is no other way to avoid this kind of behavior because they do it to literally anyone that wants to communicate. They see this as a weakness and prey upon those willing to give their help to just about anyone.

16. You cry a lot.

This could be in front of your partner when they hurt you or you could do it privately while locked in a bathroom, closet or after your partner falls asleep. Whenever you decide that you want to confront them about all of the things they've done wrong to you or someone else, they will simply brush it off. If you give them any kind of emotion or any kind of feeling that goes against what they want they will just tell you that it's your fault for feeling that way.

A narcissist has no empathy or sympathy for the people around them and it will clear as day when that happens to you. You may think that this person couldn't possibly say such horrible things to you, but with a narcissist, it comes naturally.

17. You cling to the false hope that if things could just go back to the way they were in the beginning, you would get your happily ever after.

Narcissists hardly ever give praise to anyone else if that wasn't obvious enough. However, there is a certain kind of unimpressed demeanor they always have whenever they are with you. Especially when it comes to being with you specifically.

If you haven't noticed by now the way that this person treats you differently than anyone else, this is because they like to diminish your self-esteem and anything else that makes you happy.

The longer they are able to keep you down about yourself the more vulnerable you are to their manipulative ways. This means they are able to sink into your head with the horrible words they say and make you do anything it takes for them to praise you finally.

 

 

18. You scour the internet for any information you can find to help you understand what is happening to you.

You learn about narcissistic abuse and confront your partner with your new found knowledge, only to have it turned around on you. You now believe you are the narcissist who abuses their partner.

Whenever you decide that you want to confront them about all of the things they've done wrong to you or someone else they will simply brush it off. If you give them any kind of emotion or any kind of feeling that goes against what they want they will just tell you that it's your fault for feeling that way.

19. You feel responsible for ruining your relationship.

But you're not exactly sure what you did to ruin it. Narcissists will avoid giving you any kind of credit when it comes to you helping them out. Instead, they will point out all of your flaws, all of the things you should've done, and how you are expected to do all of this/more for them.

This is a very self-destructive behavior that a person can have simply because they will seem as if they will never be satisfied with what you give them. If you've begun to notice that the person you are dealing with purposely avoids praising you for any kind of effort, you may be experiencing a toxic narcissistic person.

20. You no longer recognize yourself.

You've been completely drained of all your emotional energy. A narcissist will make you lose touch with yourself and forget who you really are. This means they are able to sink into your head with the horrible words they say and make you do anything it takes for them to praise you finally.

21. Your emotions are all over the place.

You feel angry, sad, anxious, ashamed, guilty, bad and afraid. Narcissistic withdraw quickly when they don't get what they want or feel slighted. One method they enjoy using is the silent treatment. If you often felt as though you needed to earn their love by being at their beck and call, you living with a narcissist.

22. You have trouble remembering things.

If someone asks you how your weekend was you can't answer because you genuinely don't know. Because you're so constantly on edge, you have a hard time remembering anything you did. None of it matters, you've lost all interest in doing anything, so why remember it?

 

Related: How To Leave A Narcissist

 

23. You feel misunderstood.

This causes you to stop confiding in your partner and others. Since your partner has completely sapped you of all your emotional energy and constantly makes you feel worthless, you feel like no one understands you. Narcissists undermine everything you do to make you feel inferior, which can leave you feeling like no one quite understands you.

24. You feel as if you have no voice.

You are afraid to express any negative emotions whether they are about your partner or your bad day at work. No matter what you say your partner will take it personally and make it about them.

25. You feel inhibited around your partner, especially sexually.

You are ashamed of your body that you once thought highly of because of all the cruel things your partner has said about it.

26. You stop caring for yourself.

You shower less, eat less, sleep more, and only take care of things that are absolutely necessary.

27. You lack joy and can't get excited about anything.

Since the narcissist has made you feel useless, it's hard to enjoy anything in life now.

28. You feel numb, emotionless as if your soul has been ripped out (because it has).

29. You can’t concentrate and get distracted easily.

30. You feel crazy.

You just know there is something wrong with you.

31. The smallest infractions set you off.

You are constantly on edge.

32. Your mood depends on the state of your relationship.

33. You can’t seem to make your partner happy no matter what you do.

You try to be perfect, and even when you think you are pleasing your partner, they find something wrong with you.

34. At times you feel so angry, you explode with rage and hostility.

35. You are anxious and overwhelmed by your life.

36. You are indecisive, unable to make even the smallest decisions.

37. You dread going home after work.

38. You feel isolated and no longer see or talk to your friends.

 

Remember: YOU CAN NOT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. You can try, but you will destroy yourself in the process. So, the next time you think you or someone you might know is dealing with a narcissist, try to keep these things in mind. They will make themselves very obvious and you will know the truth sooner rather than later.

 

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Higher Perspective seeks to bring together like-minded individuals focused on personal growth and expanding their consciousness. We can be better to our planet, better to our brothers and sisters, and better to ourselves. If you’d like to receive updates, be sure to follow them on Facebook.

This article was originally published at Higher Perspective. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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