Your dreams can still come true.
By Dr. Jennelle — Written on Sep 28, 2017
Everyone has a dream of what their life will be when they “grow up,” but for some people, this dream changes as they get older.
There are some women who understand that the typically accepted heterosexual marriage, picket fence, and 2.5 kids scenario doesn’t appeal to them. They always know that a non-traditional life might be better for them.
Others hope for, and dream of, a traditional life but as they get older, something happens and they realize that dream may not pan out. Like being a woman and finding yourself madly in love with another woman.
Turns out, an alarming number of people are still struggling to “fit in” to this ideal, even if it isn’t right and doesn't add to their overall life satisfaction — just because there is pressure to be "traditional" like everyone else in their situation.
Even if it's slowly making them miserable.
As an adult woman, maybe you’ve started to realize that your dream life doesn’t necessarily include the house, the fence, or even the kids. In fact, the whole basis of that life, settling down with Mr. Wonderful, doesn’t appeal to you at all because you’re much more interested in Mr. Wonderful’s beautiful sister.
Related: I Had Sex With A Woman — Does That Make Me A Lesbian?
But now you’re engaged or in a committed relationship with a man, and the woman of your dreams has been put aside, because you’re far too afraid to ever go out on your own and be with the person you know will make you happy.
You’re just too scared to leave the traditional ideal behind.
But what exactly are you sacrificing by trying to convince yourself that you really are happy — even though you know it’s not what you want?
Maybe your dream life involves sipping piña coladas on a beach with your loving wife. Maybe it includes living in a tiny apartment in a mountain town where you and your girlfriend have three cats and no desire to live a “normal” life.
But what do you do if you’re too scared to even give yourself the chance to live it?
According to Dr. Jennelle, women in this predicament typically run into three realities when ignoring the desires of their heart:
1. You may feel unfulfilled in your life, no matter what you accomplish.
Many adult women are afraid of starting same-sex relationships, especially if they are already married or have been involved only in heterosexual relationships before. But by ignoring your heart on the matter and choosing to follow the structure that society handed down for you, it will only continue to become a source of contention in your life.
As time goes by, you will only feel more drawn to what you want but think you can’t have.
This divide in what you want versus what you have could lead to issues in your relationships and will almost definitely result in you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.
2. “Just fine” will eventually become “not good enough” no matter what you do.
Women in these positions will often accept their roles in the “traditional” life, and even squeeze themselves into the mold, crushing their chances at true happiness. By continuing to fit into the role that you’re traditionally expecting to play when you do not feel that it’s for you, you’re going to make yourself very unsatisfied.
This will especially become difficult for you if you happen to already be madly in love with a woman or even fall in love with one during your marriage to a man.
At some point, something in your life will happen that is so visceral that you know that you cannot stay in the role you’re trying to fill anymore. But what do you do then? How can you embrace such a large change?
3. The only way to overcome your fear of the unknown is to embrace it.
Whether you accept your desire to lead a nontraditional life now or fifty years from now, it will never get less scary until you’re willing to take those steps and follow your heart. By beginning down the path of blending your traditional life into the nontraditional one that you want, you’re building a pathway to happiness and living the life you have always desired.
Related: 10 Misconceptions About Gay People That Are Just Crazy At This Point
It is never too late to start living your dream life, maybe even with your dream woman! And don't worry, you can be a "traditional" wife, even to a woman! The world is changing, after all.
Leaving your traditional life to follow your heart is a big step, but it’s just one of many that you can take to make things more satisfying and fulfilling. You’re not the first to experience this problem, and you won’t be the last. But every step you take in the direction of your nontraditional life might just lead you that much closer to happiness.
If you need help getting started on making a Big Change of Heart in your journey to happiness or any other relationship or divorce problem, reach out to Dr. Jennelle. She's here to help!
