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Unless you're having anal, obvi.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Sep 20, 2017
When I came across an article making the rounds about the dangers of lube, I couldn't have been more delighted. You see, I believe lube to be well and truly the worst.
Yes, I know that a woman's body — her vagina included — changes as she gets older.
Yes, I understand that if you are having anal sex lube is a must, must, must.
But these are exceptions to the rule.
If you're talking straight up vaginal sex with a well-hydrated woman in her sexual prime, there is no need for her to use lube.
And if a woman does choose to use lube, she oughta know (to paraphrase dear old Alanis Morrisette) that her vagina is SUPER absorbent.
I mean, don't go using it to mop up your next coffee spill, but do be aware that many of the ingredients in even "all-natural" lubes can and will disrupt the actually natural bacteria in your vagina.
What happens when you awaken the bacterial beasts that take up residence in your lady cave?
You potentially put yourself at risk for all manner of infections... and who the HELL wants that?
According to Dr. Charlene Dezzutti, an associate professor of gynecology and infectious disease at the University of Pittsburgh, popular lubes like KY jelly can be the biggest baddies when it comes to killing off your protective, good bacteria.
"The bacterial kill off is likely caused by the ingredient chlorhexidine, an antibacterial agent,” she says.
She goes on to say that this is just a study in a lab and that we shouldn't read too much into the findings yet, but I'm going to tell you something right now.
I have been using prescription antiseptic mouthwash with chlorhexidine in it for the past week since having a tooth extracted (kill me now, please) and the pharmacist made a HUGE deal about making sure I knew not to swallow ANY of it.
Pondering the knowledge that the same ingredient that aroused such caution from a medical professional inhabits many commercially available lubricants now means that even thinking the letters "KY" is enough to make labia (both majora and minora) form their own lube-and-penis-proof paste and seal tightly shut.
The reason I'm so ridiculously anti-lube isn't just because I'm a huge fan of the vagina's natural bacteria (though I very much am — put that shit on a t-shirt and I'd wear it).
It's because I believe that while lubricants are certainly essential for certain women and certain sexual activities, I also believe many men and women now see lube as a substitute for foreplay.
In order for a woman to really enjoy sex, she needs to be turned on.
For some women, this may be accomplished simply by her boyfriend pouncing on her when she least expects it (Hi! That one is me...), whereas for others it takes A LOT of extensive foreplay.
Lube is designed to act as something our vaginas already produce: i.e., lubrication.
If a woman is aroused, the need for adding artificial substances just doesn't exist, because our vagina takes care of these things for us (except in the cases I will awesomely and explicitly mention over-and-over again so that no angry menopausal women or self-righteous butt-sex-lovers end up emailing me to whine about it).
I think it's great that we as a culture are becoming more sex-positive. That's awesome!
Asking for help in the bedroom when you need it is important. And it's amazing that healthier lube alternatives like coconut oil exist. Totally.
But these exterior tools for having better sex aren't enough on their own. We need to listen to our bodies and give them what they need.
So ladies, If he's squirting lube all over your bits without giving you so much as a nipple tweak, he's not paying attention to your body or your needs.
You need to step up your communication game...
Or find a guy who knows that all good things do indeed come to those willing to do the work.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.
