"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
By Zoe Shaw and Merethe Najjar — Written on Sep 19, 2017
Too often in life it can feel like we don’t have time for anything.
Whether we’re overburdened at work, or the kids are sick, or we’re going through tough times that seem to eat away at every spare second that we have, it can get more than a little hectic!
When dealing with something big, or even scary or sad, like a loss, it can be easy to get yourself mentally “stuck” in a rut that you don’t know how to get back out of. Especially when you’re trying to keep up with everything that goes with the basics of work, your relationships, your basic mental well-being, and being a parent.
Related: 10 Ways Someone Who Lost Their Spouse Loves VERY Differently
So what do you do when trouble or sadness come into your life, forcing you to deal with things when you just aren’t ready? How do you balance your family, your schedule, your friends, and your needs in a way that doesn’t make it feel like you’re underwater and trying to swim to the surface all the time?
Frankly, it's normal to feel like you are so busy that you feel as though you literally do not have time to break down and face the problems that have presented themselves.
But whether you feel like you just have to keep going because you don’t have the time — or don’t want to face it, it’s still important that you take a step back and focus yourself.
You’ll need to address whatever is paining you at the moment, whether it’s divorce, death, or some other issue that pulls at your mental capacity and makes you feel drained at the end of your day.
We have all had moments where “life” has happened and we weren’t sure how to get through it.
But learning how to cope with the bad things that come your way is not only healthy for you — it can actually help you get through your grieving process better, too.
That's what Dr. Zoe Shaw is here to help with. As a licensed psychotherapist, as well as a relationship and life coach, she helps all sorts of "Superwomen" figure out how to have it all while living a happy, healthy life.
In this Experts video, Dr. Shaw shares some insider tips for how to manage doing it all while going through some serious life changes.
If you’re like so many other busy women, going through something and you feel like you just can't give yourself the time to face it, here are 6 ways to deal with the stress and grief and get yourself through ... even when you're busy or life feels crazy.
1. Cut out anything that isn’t necessary
If you’re experiencing a sadness, it can be difficult to complete even the simplest tasks. But that feeling might just be worse because you’re taking on too much for your brain to handle during your time of grief. Eliminate everything that isn’t necessary for you right now.
Plan on getting done only what you can manage, and give yourself some leeway to not be up to your normal standards, too. You need to focus on getting through this time of trouble — that’s the most important thing for you and your family. And no, you don’t have to feel guilty about it, either.
2. Reframe the story you tell yourself about the situation
Don’t talk down to or blame yourself for the loss you’re experiencing! Everyone goes through times in their lives where they feel like they’ve really messed up or missed an opportunity that’s now gone forever. But you need to “reframe” the story you’re telling yourself.
Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive. Reflect on the things that you do have control over so that you can start making yourself work toward your goals once again, even if you feel like you’ve been totally sidelined.
3. Disconnect from social media and TV
TV and social media are great tools for connecting with our friends, family, and people all around the world. But they can also be constant negative sources, streaming politics, sadness, and bad elements into our lives. They can also be an incredible time-suck that leaves us feeling harried afterward.
Instead of using social media or watching TV when you're in a breakdown, use that time to write, reflect, or de-stress in some other manner, like practicing yoga or meditation, or even journaling about your feelings. It will help you feel more in tune with yourself and your needs, and you won’t have the added stressors of other people’s lives making yours feel even worse.
4. Prioritize rest
This is so important. You must allow yourself time to relax. To ACTUALLY relax and to let your body rest. Stress can influence us so much that it can actually negatively impact your mental and physical health.
The last thing you need while trying to get through a traumatic period in your life is to get sick on top of it! So press the snooze button when you need to, and instead of running around trying to get everything done, focus on your emotional and physical state, and maybe watch a movie with your kids instead. It will give you time to reconnect with what’s important.
5. Give yourself a chance to honestly grieve your loss
Experiencing a loss — whether it’s emotional or physical — affects everyone differently. So while some people need only a few days to get back on their feet and move forward, a lot of people need more time to accept what’s happening in their lives, understand and come to terms with it, and then to move forward once they’ve internalized and dealt with the problem. So give yourself a period that it’s okay for you to grieve the situation.
Set a goal, like two weeks, where you allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, allow yourself to stay at home instead of going out or even use a couple of days just to take it all in so that you can move on. At the end of your grieving period, make active efforts to move on — not to forget — but to try and restart your life now that you've experienced this loss.
Related: I've Spent My Life Punishing Myself For My First Love's Brutal Death
6. When you’re overwhelmed, ask for help
Asking for help when you need it is not shameful. No one in this world got where they are by being completely alone and never relying on anyone else. In fact, understanding when you need help and being able to ask for it is actually a healthy skill! Instead of trying to juggle eight plates at once, ask a trusted person to help you carry that weight, whether it's a friend, family member, religious counselor, or even a professional, like a psychiatrist or therapist.
Not getting the help you need will only make you struggle alone for longer, and it can slow your healing process.
Remember, what you're feeling is normal. Sadness, anger, pain, and even frustration are all normal sensations to experience during a period of upheaval. Take these steps one at a time so that you can get through your grieving process and return to your regular life with coping skills that will help you weather any storm in the future.
If you need help balancing your work and family life, parenting any other relationship problem, reach out to Zoe. She's here to help!