The Quick-Start Guide To Divorcing With Less Stress, No Drama, And Minimal Chaos

Heartbreak

Do NOT call a lawyer until you read this!

Making the decision to end your marriage is NEVER easy.

Even when you know it is the right thing to do — even if it's to get out of an abusive situation — it is still tough because getting a divorce means moving on, which always brings with it some pain and heartache. And that is 100% understandable. Heartbreak is real, and causes real pain, and the end of a marriage is certainly going to hurt. 

But that is life. Often we plan one thing and something completely different happens, changing the course of our lives, taking them in a direction we could never have imagined. It's amazing how we can know, intellectually, that you can plan but you can't promise what your future will look exactly like ... and yet when our plans are thrown off-of course we are always upset.

Also read: 10 Brutally Honest Signs Your Marriage Is Flat-Out Over

And it's OK to be upset! 

What matters most is how we handle those changes and manage that stress that's sure to come. 

In our latest Expert Quickies video, divorce attorney and advisor Karen Covy offers and incredibly helpful starter guide to divorce, explaining the top 5 most important rules to know.

Here are a few of the most important points:

1. Try to stay out of court.

There are different ways to go about getting a divorce and while divorce court is probably the best-known, that doesn't make it the best choice.

In court, you have no control over the decision. You rely on your lawyer to present your case and hope the judge rules in your favor — but there are no guarantees you will get the outcome you hope for.

Try mediation or collaboration first, but most importantly, do what is right for you.

2. Set divorce goals from the beginning.

Your life is going to change drastically.

The way to make sure you get through it one piece is to think about where you want to be when it's all over. Then you need to set aside some time to write down those goals.

The divorce process is going to throw your life into complete chaos and trying to figure out what you need and want in the middle of it all is going to add more stress to your life. 

Also watch: Divorce Doesn't Have To Ruin Your Life — 3 Ways To Resist The Urge To Give Up

3. Focus on the big picture.

Things are going to go wrong. Your ex is going to drive you crazy. Your lawyer is going to drive you crazy. Your kids are going to drive you crazy ... you get the picture.

You have to learn to let the little things go. If you let it all get to you, you'll only lose your mind — and that won't benefit you or your family.

Make sure you have a therapist to help you work through those moments of pure frustration so you don't let the tension and anger build up.

4. Put together a solid team.

DO NOT GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.

There is no shame in seeking help!

Get a lawyer, a therapist, a counselor for your children, a financial planner ... anyone and everyone you may need to help you make this transition as smooth and painless as possible.

Every situation is different, and the team your neighbor, friend or family member needed to guide them through their divorce may be different from the team you need to guide you through yours. Figure out what it is YOU need and assemble the team that is right for you.

5. Educate yourself.

This cannot be stressed enough.

Unfortunately, very often people rely on their lawyers to tell them everything they need to know.

But the harsh reality is, your divorce attorney won't always tell you everything.

Find out what the options are for every aspect of your divorce. Ask yourself questions like:

  • What medium for divorce is right for me?
  • What are the options I have when it comes to my children?
  • What can I do when it comes to splitting assets?
  • Who should I speak to and hire to help me?

All are very valid questions and having the answers will not only make you more confident, but the preparation will help you feel calmer as you face the storm of chaos.

Divorce is never easy, but the more prepared you are, the easier it will be to make it through your divorce with your head held high.

If you need a little help getting through your divorce in one piece, dealing with your soon-to-be Ex, or any other divorce and relationship challenges, our experts are here to help! Reach out to Karen for the support you need.

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