6 *Golden Rules* For A Friends With Benefits Relationship Where No One Gets Hurt

Photo: unsplash / phuoc le
6 Rules For A Friends With Benefits Relationship That Works
Partner
Love, Sex

Sometimes you just want to get off and get out.

By Elizabeth Best

F–k buddy, friend with benefits, lover, paramour, bed buddy… whatever you wanna call them, having someone you can call when you need to bang it out can be an excellent addition to your single life.

Think about it: you’re much less likely to make dumb dating decisions based on horniness, you don’t need to fork out for dinner and a movie, and you can indulge in the ultimate in guilt-free pleasure knowing you’re both on the same page… but only if you get it right.

 

Expectation-free sex with a friend you already trust may not be a couple relationship, but it’s still a relationship and needs maintaining to make it work. Here are the rules you need to know before you get naked with your no-strings lover…

 

1. Talk ground rules ASAP.

You need to be as clear as possible from the outset on what both of you expect, or this sweet deal could go down in flames. Is it just sex? Can you hang out before or after? Are sleepovers allowed? When should you call time on it? Will you tell other people? If so, who?

Figuring these things out early means you’re both on the same page from day one. No one’s expectations get dashed, nothing gets muddled.

 

2. Make sure you give as much as you take.

A friends-with-benefits relationship should be mutually beneficial. You always come (pun intended) when he calls, but he’s never free for you? That’s not cool. Try to make sure you’re both getting your needs met on an equal basis.

 

3. Let loose.

This is a relationship that literally exists so you can get laid, so WTF is the point if you can’t enjoy it? Tell them what you want, when you want, how you want. Let your freak flag fly, this is a no-judgment zone. Try new things, indulge your fantasies and get as down and dirty in the way you like to (with your lover’s consent, of course).

 

4. Don't ask, don't tell.

Sure, you’re sleeping with each other, but you’re also free to have sex with other people. Heck, that’s why this arrangement dealio is so enticing. But this doesn’t mean you should chat about this with your casual paramour. The ego is a fragile thing, and reminding the other person they’re not the only person you’re seeing naked on the reg could be awkward.

Now, this isn’t a blanket rule, some people will be good enough friends to navigate this with no issues, but it’s definitely something to address in the ground rules. Oh, and also? Don’t hit on someone else when you’re hanging together unless you’ve talked about it. That’s just rude.

 

5. Don't lie about your motives.

Harsh truth: it’s nearly impossible to have sex with someone into a relationship. Ignore the rom-coms; precious few have crossed over from friends with benefits to girlfriend-boyfriend status. If that’s your goal, you’re failing before you’ve even started. A friends with benefits relationship can not be based on a bed of lies. You have to be honest with them, and yourself, about what you want from each other.

If you suspect your friend with benefits has caught feelings and that’s not somewhere you wanna go, you gotta end it. Similarly, if you start wanting more than you’re getting, either talk it out or back the hell out of there. Be prepared for the talk to not end the way you want it to. Honesty is key.

 

6. Be kind, respect each other and have boundaries.

Just because you’re casually sleeping with someone doesn’t give them a license to treat you like shit and vice versa; the rules of basic human decency still apply. If your arrangement is actually going to go the distance, it needs to be based on mutual respect.

Most importantly, be kind. It’s called friends with benefits for a reason, so treat the person like they’re a friend, not just a penis or vagina. If you set a time to catch up, and you suddenly need to cancel, give them notice. Reply to texts. Be polite when you’re leaving after sex. Set your standards for friendship, and don’t accept anything less than that.

 

 

This article was originally published at SheSaid. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author
Partner

Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
Are you still single and you don't why?
You constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells.