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He's not loving you, he's manipulating you.
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on Aug 04, 2017
Why do fools fall in love isn’t the right question; it should be why do we become fools when we fall in love? When you’re in love, your heart is open and you may not be using your head because you’re overwhelmed by your feelings, no matter what your horoscope says otherwise.
When you’re in love you tend to see things the way you want to see them and you interpret them through a lens of love that is rarely accurate and doesn't give an honest look at what’s going on. It can be easy for the person you love to take advantage of you, to manipulate you, and fool you, even when it’s clear that their motives aren’t in your best interest.
You think that when he calls you too much it’s because he really cares; however, it might actually be because he wants to control you. Or, if he does something surprising and sweet, you think it's evidence that he loves you but the truth is, he’s only doing it to get something that he wants in return.
Think you might be in an abusive, controlling relationship? Watch the video below to know what signs to look for:
We don’t want to be mistrusting or question our partner's motivations, but we also don’t want to be so blind that we get hurt and broken. There needs to be a balance between accepting that someone is doing something out of love, and a healthy cynicism.
You can’t be too guarded or give in too easily and too quickly. The best thing to do is to take your time to really get to know someone and make them earn your trust. If they’re not all they claim to be and their motives are self-serving and twisted, you won’t be blindsided if you are aware of all the angles.
No matter how much you want someone to love you, it’s better to know that they don’t before being led on for heinous reasons. Here are the zodiac signs that lead you on and how he fools you into thinking it’s love.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
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After the two of you have an argument, he couldn't be sweeter. You think it's because he loves you too much to stay mad at you but in reality, he's trying to guilt you into believing that you were wrong in confronting him in the first place. He wants you to think that it's you who is being irrational; if it was him, he wouldn't be so nice directly after an altercation. He wants to appear to be the calm and rational one in the relationship.
Read: The 13 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aries, As Written By One
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
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He's always giving you suggestions on how you can do things better or be a better person. You think it's his way of making sure you're always doing your best but actually, he's being overly critical and controlling. He doesn't think that your way is ever the best way. He's not just controlling you, he's chipping away at your self-esteem and making you think that you're not as capable as you are.
Read: The 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Taurus, As Written By One
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
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He's always giving you compliments and praising every little thing you do. You think it's because he feels so lucky to have found you. However, his charm is hiding his real intentions which probably aren't in your best interest but in his own. If his praise lulls you into a false sense of security, you'll be blindsided when his real objective comes into play.
Read: The 13 Brutal Truths About Loving A Gemini, As Written By One
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
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He says that you're his everything and that his whole world revolves around you. You think he's just being hyperbolic because he's so in love with you. The truth is he's putting the burden of his happiness on you. You don't want someone who has no life outside of what the two of you do together. He's not your child or your responsibility.
Read: The 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Cancer, As Written By One
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
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He's constantly giving you gifts. You think it's sweet that he's slowly replacing your possessions with his presents. It's one thing to give you flowers but it's another when he's replacing your TV or computer because they're not up to his standards. He obviously doesn't trust your taste or judgment and thinks his are superior. His ultimate goal is to have you defer to him on all of your decisions.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
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He's always texting and calling you under the guise of "just checking in." But when you don't immediately respond, he ramps up his contact until you're so beleaguered that you respond. You like having a guy that's so into you but he's actually showing his narcissistic qualities and treating you more like a possession than an individual person.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Virgo (As Written By A Virgo)
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
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You think it's sweet when he says how you're so much better and saner than other women and are great in the bedroom, especially his ex. You have to wonder when all of his ex-girlfriends are "crazy" if the problem isn't them but him. When he condemns a whole sex, then he's not being complimentary, he's being sexist, misogynistic, and insulting. You have to wonder what he's going to say about you when your relationship is over.
Read: 11 Brutal Truths About Loving A Libra, As Written By One
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
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When he says that the two of you are the only people each other needs, you think he's been romantic. The truth is he wants to separate you from your family and friends like they do in cults. If you're dependent on him, then you will have no one to turn to when things go south. This isn't love, it's more like obsession and it's only going to escalate.
Read: 14 Brutal Truths About Loving A Scorpio, As Written By One
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
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You think he's just kidding when he calls you "crazy," "stupid," or a "mess" but he's actually being abusive and showing his true colors. He believes that you're damaged goods and that you should be happy that he's even bothering with you. Those words are all triggering and he's using them as a way to make you feel less than you are. The reality of the situation is that he's the one with the issues.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Sagittarius, As Written By One
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
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It makes you so happy when you talk about your plans for the future and he mentions how you won't have to work, that you can just stay home with the baby and how there's a good possibility that he'll have to move for work. Translation: I want to have complete control over your finances, who you interact with and have you all to myself. Goals are great but not when they're plans to imprison you.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Capricorn, As Written By One
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
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Although you and he have an agreement that you can see other people, he freaked out about you having a date with someone else. You thought his jealousy meant that he cares for you deeply. Nope! The reason the rules suddenly changed is that he was lying in the first place and telling you what you wanted to hear, making him one of the zodiac signs that lead you on. He may have thought that you wouldn't ever want to see anybody else so it was easy to pretend that he was open about the whole thing. He's sending up all kinds of red flags with this.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aquarius, As Written By One
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
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Every time he does something to piss you off, he says that he only did it because he loves you and you fall for it every time. If you stop and think about it, the "But I love you" excuse doesn't work in every situation. It's more of a distraction than a legitimate excuse. "I was rude to your family because I love you," "I borrowed your bank card without your permission because I love you," and "I lost my temper because I love you" make no sense at all. Don't pay attention to the words but to the actions, and the actions are screaming to get this guy out of your life.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Pisces, As Written By One
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Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and teacher who loves writing and performing personal narratives. She's had pieces in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Woman's Day, Purple Clover, Bustle, and is a regular contributor to Ravishly and YourTango. Check out her website or her Facebook page.