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The relationship is not the same to him.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 01, 2023
I have long had the issue of believing that my relationships were a lot more serious than they actually were. It was a problem I had with “friends,” boyfriends, acquaintances, and more.
Part of this issue, if I’m being honest, was because of the fact that I never actually had real friends growing up and didn’t know what real relationships, or even friendships, were like.
This led to me putting a lot more weight and effort into relationships than others did. I also expected way more commitment from others, just because I thought they actually liked me that much.
Over the years, I realized that a lot of the people I expected to walk me down the aisle really weren’t interested in anything more than a placeholder girl. It’s sad, but it’s true. Want to avoid wasting time on people who don’t see you as marriage material?
Here are 13 signs he doesn't take your relationship as seriously as you do:
1. You haven’t met his family, or if you have, it was for a very brief moment
Most guys who keep around girls they’re not serious about will do whatever they can to avoid the girls meeting their families. The reason why is that they don’t want parents asking questions about the “new girl.” Doing this allows them to transition from “taken” to “single” without having parents and others noticing. Additionally, lots of guys also know that refusing to let you and his family mingle sends the message that he’s not serious.
2. Getting him to commit to the “boyfriend” label was an uphill battle
From personal experience, I’ve learned that the harder you have to fight for him to call you a girlfriend, the less serious the relationship will end up being. Guys, when serious about a woman, will do what they can to commit. He’s not serious if you literally had to fight for the label of “girlfriend,” even if you have been dating for years.
3. He makes a point to exclude you from life plans
Guys and girls are both the same in the sense that they tend to think long-term when they are in a long-term relationship. If they are not talking about the future with you, it’s because they aren’t serious about having a future that includes you in it.
4. Though you’ve been together for years, he still doesn’t let you keep much stuff around his place
Most guys, when they’re serious, will be pretty happy to see you have some kind of “roots” in his life, including the toothbrush in the sink. If you can’t get him to even let you keep a change of clothes nearby, it’s not boding well.
5. Every time you talk about marriage, he replies with an excuse or shuts it down immediately
This was the one that really broke my heart when it happened to me. It burns hearing the guy you think will be your husband ask you, “Why do you want to put a contract on things? We’re fine as is.”
Unfortunately, when he says this to you after a year or so of dating, it’s one of the clear signs he doesn't take your relationship seriously and that you should probably leave him to find someone who will be more serious with you.
6. Even though you’ve been with him for six months or more, he’s still sleeping with other women
Scarily, some girls legit think this is okay, and that eventually “he’ll settle down” with them. This is not true. If he’s still sleeping around and dating other girls months after the two of you have started down that path, he’s not serious about a relationship with you.
7. At parties, you’re not his “+1”
Sometime around the age of 25, parties stop being individual things and start being things couples are expected to do together. If he’s not bringing you to parties that he’s invited to, he’s not serious about being with you.
8. He’s unsupportive, rude, selfish, or otherwise hurtful to you
This is something that you need to realize sooner rather than later: people who love you, are serious about you, and want you around don’t treat you like crap. If you feel like his personal punching bag or just some accessory to his life, he’s not actually serious about you and you should leave immediately.
9. You often get the feeling that it’s all about him
A relationship needs two people to work. If you don’t feel like he really cares about you, pays attention to you, or even sees you as a legit partner, it’s a sign that the relationship will not be any more serious than it already is.
10. When people ask him when he’s going to “take the next step” with you, he deflects the conversation
Sometimes, the best indicator isn’t one that happens when he’s talking to you, but when he’s talking to others. If you notice that he never really talks to others about feeling ready to propose, then it might be that he really just doesn’t want to do it.
11. It feels like a high school romance
You know how dating never really “feels” serious in high school, or how there’s that unspoken vibe of it just being a temporary thing? If you get that same feeling, it’s very likely that your long-term relationship is not really that much more serious than the football jock and the cheerleader’s fling.
12. You’ve caught him scoping out others, repeatedly
Yes, you might be his right now, but if he’s still trying to chat up others behind your back, he’s not serious about you. Men who do this are literally “hedging their bets” and using you as a placeholder.
13. You honestly don’t feel like he’s invested in making it work
A guy who is serious will put in the effort to fix the relationship or just make the relationship good. If you regularly find yourself being the one who does all the planning, talking, romancing, and emotional labor, then he’s not serious about you. Rather, you’re serious about him, and he’s just okay with being along for the ride.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.