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They are FREAKS.
By Ruby Miranda — Written on Jul 25, 2017
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own kinkiness? Would you be shy to even admit that you’re kinky, or would you wave your arms and flail around until everyone knew you were the #1 Kinkmaster of all time?
The truth about being kinky doesn’t always come with pride; in fact, sometimes the kinky things that get us off are super private secrets — sometimes those thoughts are even embarrassing to us, no matter what our horoscope says otherwise. When we either think about those things or act out on them, that’s when we go from fantasist to full on kinkster.
There’s a big difference between wanting to wear leather and wanting to wear leather while screaming “Mommy loves me!” at the height of orgasm. See what I mean? It’s all degrees of kink.
Being kinky doesn’t automatically make one crazy because we’re all a little crazy to start with. Kink simply provides an alternate avenue for us to explore our personal sexual paths, and for those of an adventurous nature, kink may be the way we find out who we are ultimately, and what we’re made of.
While the missionary position and a round of “Yeah, I’m satisfied” might be rightfully enough for some, knowing that this is all happening in a large pool filled with green jello and rubber koi fish while both parties are wearing Japanese school girl outfits may be just what it takes to rank on the kink-o-meter.
Fun fact: During sex, most married couples like to imagine themselves borne along on a river of seething black eels, while dressed head to toe in slime-covered lemon-scented purple vinyl. At the moment of climax, one shouts out, “I mean no harm to you or your planet,” while the other likes to sing Russian pop songs in click-tongue. But that’s “The Pantheon of Kink” and rarely, if ever, do married couples make it this far.
So, who amongst the zodiac signs is the actual kinkiest of them all? Here are the kinkiest zodiac signs and what you can expect when you jump into bed with them.
1. AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
One thing nobody really knows about the Water Bearer is that when it comes to kink and kinky behavior, these folks really know how to push the envelope. If there’s any sign of the zodiac that likes to dress up, it’s Aquarius, and often times it’s the "outfit" that makes the sexual act hot. Burlesques performers are often times Aquarians, as they are very stimulated by exhibitionism and beautiful costume play.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aquarius, As Written By One
2. CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
For the sign of the zodiac that is most associated with home and security, Cancer wouldn’t be the first we’d look to for kinky sex. Yet those wacky homebodies seem to be doing much more than crocheting and baking (along with the ever-present passive aggressive whining) for foreplay than meets the eye. You may think you know your Cancer lover, but it’s not until they reveal to you what they really want in bed that will blow your mind. Cancer is a sexually secretive sign, and when those secrets come out to play, that’s when you realize the true meaning of the word “freak,” making them one of the kinkiest zodiac signs around.
Read: The 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Cancer, As Written By One
3. LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Passionate and free, Libra is the pornographer of the zodiac. Whether they’re watching it or filming themselves with their iPhones, you can probably assume that their kink is about visuals. They love naked bodies and they celebrate the human form. It’s not about leather, lace, rubber or PVC vinyl with this brood; it’s about orgiastic group sex, lots of naked body parts and a blinking red light that tells them the camera is on.
Read: 11 Brutal Truths About Loving A Libra, As Written By One
4. CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
For some reason, those born under the sign of Capricorn have a kinky tendency towards role play, and if anyone’s going to be “teaching Harry Potter a lesson” it’s your friend Capricorn. As a sexual partner, this person is unafraid as long as they’re immersed in their fantasy. Exploring sexuality with a Capricorn lover can be a mental mind trip down a path that eventually has you begging to know what it feels like to be Harry Potter at lesson time. Let’s just put it this way: a Capricorn’s “birthday suit” is more than likely a long, black, hooded cloak.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Capricorn, As Written By One
