Photo: Powerlightss / Shutterstock
These 4 traits will tell you if you're ACTUALLY compatible.
By Shannon Ullman — Last updated on Mar 12, 2023
Finding a partner is way more difficult than it seems. I mean, there are just so many factors that go into it. Are you attracted to each other? Do you have similar lifestyles? And what about humor? Will he get your jokes?
Finding someone and understanding how to be compatible is like a hunt for buried treasure when you’re not exactly sure if your map is for the right island.
So, when the CEO of eHarmony, one of the most popular online dating sites, comes out with the 4 most important relationship compatibility traits, all the single ladies out there are willing to pay attention.
You see, compatibility is complicated within itself. There are certain things you look out for on a first date, like music preferences, travel plans, and hobbies. However, some aspects of compatibility are a lot more important than others. And it turns out that the ones you thought were deal breakers might not matter much.
Grant Langston, CEO of eHarmony, took to the massive user database and started analyzing the information regarding the four key personality traits that the platform uses to match people. After his research, Langston uncovered information about how to be compatible and the four relationship compatibility traits that would be really hard to compromise on in ANY relationship.
Here are 4 important compatibility traits to look for in a partner, according to the CEO of EHarmony:
1. Similar conflict-resolution skills.
This refers to the way you deal with and solve problems. Everyone has these skills, yet all people tend to deal with them in different ways. You learn it as a child, which usually sticks with you for the rest of your life.
“Conflict resolution skills are baked into your brain when you’re a kid. If you’re really opposite in that, you can’t have a relationship,” Langston says.
As a couple, you are bound to go through conflict, whether in your actual relationship or in the process of building your life together. So, it’s pretty darn important that you can handle these situations and find compatible ways to come to solutions.
2. Personality traits (introverted vs. extroverted).
If you don’t already know, an introverted person gets energized by being alone, while an extroverted person is energized by being around people. While introverts and extroverts can be together as couples, it may cause some strain on the relationship.
When your version of a relaxing vacation is a romantic getaway alone at a bed and breakfast on a Napa Valley vineyard, but your partner would rather invite all your friends for a rowdy weekend in Vegas, you might feel some relationship strain.
“An introvert can be with an extrovert, but it would require compromise throughout life,” Langston adds.
3. Sociability.
This refers to how much each of you likes to be around people in general. It can strain the relationship when one person wants to spend every minute alone as a couple, and the other wants to go out in a group setting on a weekend for once.
4. Positivity vs. negativity.
This refers to your outlook on life and the world. This can be great if one person is positive all the time and the other is positive all of this time. And even if you both can be considered a Negative Nancy who complains a lot, you would still be compatible.
However, a problem arises when one person is negative, and one person is positive.
“You can be with another obstreperous (negative) person because you both pick at the world. If you’re both positive and low in obstreperousness, that’d be fine, too, because you’re both positive outlook people. But if you’re not the same, the person whose grumbling all the time is going to seem like a sad sack and a rotten partner to carry through life,” says Langston.
When looking at these important relationship compatibility traits, none of them have to do with the normal stuff associated with how to be compatible.
Liking the same foods, music, and movies doesn't really have all that much to do with how successful your relationship will be and how compatible you are. It’s all surface stuff in the end.
However, it gets even trickier because some people match up in all four of these areas and look great on paper, but when you get them together, they don’t actually have a good time. So, it seems like a good relationship needs a bit of both of these four relationship compatibility traits and also some shared hobbies.
Langston says one of the most important signs of compatibility is having a similar sense of humor. So, if you find someone who can make you laugh, this might be a better indicator of your future with them than liking the same musical acts.
More for You: