Dear Millennial Moms: Stop Calling Yourselves MILFs, Because You're NOT

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M.I.L.F. 

It's a widely-used slang term meaning "Mother I'd Like to F*ck," and typically refers to older women who are still smokin' hot despite the years and however many children they've popped out.

When did the pseudonym first make an appearance in the English language? No one really knows. But at least within the past few decades, it was popularized by the classic '90s coming of age movie American Pie, and music videos such as Stacy's Mom by Fountain of Wayne; soon thereafter it was subjected to misuse by the masses desperate to lump themselves into a once elusive ... and exclusive group of mothers.

The term has even recently been refurbished by singer Fergie, who attempted to redefine the term as "Moms I'd Like to Follow" but the music video, featuring cameos from Fergie Ferg's "mom friends" (Kim K and Ciara were there), definitely maintained a sexual, "Mother I'd Like to F*ck" theme.

And although Fergie herself is of MILF status, some of the women who made cameos were not.
 

Related: Don't You DARE Call Me A MILF Like It's A F*cking Compliment

 

As depicted below through a quick Google search, the term is a reference to hot OLDER moms — not Farrah Abraham and the rest of the teen moms around the world seeking validation for their poor choices, and not even Chrissy Teigen who easily falls into the millennial category at 31 years young. 

I can't count how many times I've heard my peers refer to themselves as MILFs.

My friends now in their 20s have ignorantly identified as MILFs since they first had their children in high school. But they aren't alone. The term has become both overly and improperly used to describe anyone who bears children.

And NO. JUST NO. The reality is you're just a hot young mom. Period. Age is a key factor in getting your sexy MILF card. 

That said, I'm begging. No, demanding, that Millennial moms stop referring to themselves as MILFs.

This is like the AARP of pop culture, and you've got anywhere from 10 to 20 years before you qualify — depending on where you fall on the large age-scale that is the millennial generation, that is. I'm speaking on behalf of actual MILFs when I say, "You can't sit with them."

 

Related: Dear Moms Who Hate Me Because I'm A MILF: You're So Damn Insecure

 

I'm not sure that there was ever a defining age when the term was put in play, but as we've seen, I can certainly tell you what ages it doesn't encompass. Moving forward, I'm thinking that women in the 40+ club may be a good starting point for MILF-dom.

At the risk of sounding shallow and offensive, MILF-dom can't be truly determined in your teens, 20s, or 30s, because you haven't reached an age where you've fully aged. You won't look that way for the rest of your life, and there's no telling if you maintain the good looks that would categorize one as a MILF later on in life

This isn't like pledging where you get in off legacy. It's more like Girl Scouts and you have to work your way up to that badge of honor, sis. There is no premature access to the club... you just have to chill and wait your turn.

The phrase is a right of passage reserved for the moms who've dealt with the best of it and after it all, they've still got it after naturally or otherwise recovering from the highs and lows of motherhood and life itself. It's for the women who maintain a ridiculously and weirdly unexpected level of sex appeal throughout life and motherhood.

 

That's who a MILF is — not a young hot thing who is still in her new mommy bubble wrap. 

Sure, we could argue that words evolved all the time, but this shouldn't be the case with this word. 

MILF must maintain its exclusivity. Otherwise, it'll just come to mean "mom" and that totally ruins the spirit of the acronym.

 

So, to be clear you're not a MILF because of the following: 

1. You're a mom — if you don't understand what I mean by now, then you haven't been reading.

2. Men tell you so — seriously, they'd like to bag anything that walks. 

3. You're an older woman — you might be a hot older woman, but without the 'M' you're just an "ILF." 

 

Now, you can go forward in the world equipped with the proper knowledge and prosper, young grasshopper.

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