NEVER Ignore These 12 Red Flags In A Seemingly Committed Relationship

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relationship red flags
Love

Ever, ever.

As someone who has experienced the backlash from love and failed relationships, I can say with certainty that it hurts to be deceived. Even if you haven’t been dreaming of your fairytale wedding since childhood, we all have an idea of what we think love should look like, and how we deserve to be treated. When that’s violated we feel cheated and betrayed.

You may find yourself saying things like, “How could he do this do me? I thought he really loved me,” or, “I guess this is just what it takes to stay in a relationship.” Listen, you are worthy of real love and just because one relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that another isn’t bound to come along that will. Be patient and wait.

With that being said, there are ways to avoid further emotional damage at the end of an unhealthy relationship. If your partner begins to display negative or abusive behaviors in any way, it’s important to recognize those as harmful and leave the relationship immediately. It might hurt, but it will hurt a lot less than continuing on a destructive path until you’re forced to break up further down the road.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship red flags, it would be a good idea to prepare for a breakup.

1. He subtly criticizes you.

Backhanded compliments are no joke. He should love you for who you are in your entirely. Sure, you’re not perfect, but neither is he. Never let him make you believe otherwise.

I once dated someone who told me that by wearing makeup, I was crafting myself to be someone I’m not for appearance's sake. In the process, he told me I was beautiful without it, so at the time I chose to ignore the fact that his original comments about my use of makeup hurt and focused on his compliments in the midst of insults.

2. He says he loves you very early on.

This may seem sweet at first, but it can actually be a relationship red flag. Of course, not all relationships that start out this strong are bad. But for the most part, if he tells you he loves you way too early, he probably has a secret agenda he’s not telling you about.

3. His enthusiasm starts out strong, then suddenly drops out.

This goes along with the previous point. He may be overly emphatic about the relationship and tell you everything you want to hear, making you comfortable with him and fall fast.

If that spark of excitement is completely extinguished, take it as a sign that he’s just not committed. There’s no use in staying in a relationship that isn’t enjoyable anymore.

4. He pressures you to compromise your own values.

This relationship red flag may come in small, almost unnoticed ways. Maybe it’s your political views or personal beliefs, but whatever it is, he’ll slowly try to make you believe that what you believe is just wrong or stupid.

5. You find yourself doing most of the planning.

If you’re the only one inviting him out and making dinner reservations, chances are he’s not committed to the relationship. He should be making active efforts to make you feel just as cared for as you do for him.

6. He stops being thoughtful.

Did he used to hold your hand more often and take you for strolls around town? Did he surprise you with flowers or send you a sweet text to wake up to in the morning? Of course, he doesn’t need to be going all out 24/7 — that would be a little much. But someone who’s truly committed will want to do those things every now and then because they care. If this is only a thing of the past, it's definitely a relationship red flag and may be a bad sign of his investment.

7. He talks about his ex-girlfriend... a LOT.

When a man is committed to you, he’s thinking about you, and only you. No if's, and's, or but's there. If he’s constantly comparing things that you do, activities you do or do not enjoy, places you go, he’s not truly devoted to you.

This hurts because all you want is for him to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the now. And maybe he tells you that you’re the love of his life, but the truth is if he’s always talking about his ex you’re not the only girl on his mind.

8. He prioritizes work and friends above you.

 

Yes, your boyfriend should have other friends and be diligent in his work life; those are very important traits in a man. But when he breaks plans with you to go down to the bar with the boys for the night instead, there’s a problem. You don’t need to be his only priority in life, but you should definitely be one of them, and if you notice you’re always at the bottom of the totem pole, he’s not committed.

9. You constantly make excuses for his behavior.

This is an easy one to spot. Maybe he’s blown you off for the third time this week, but you blame his work schedule. Maybe he’s demanding and controlling at times, but you say he’s just being protective. Or maybe he makes empty promises that he never comes through on, but you figure he just hasn’t gotten around to it yet.

He should always be making time for you, no matter his other personal matters. If he does something that bothers you, it cannot go untouched. If he makes no steps to change after confronting him about your worries, he’s putting himself on top of the relationship and neglecting behaviors that bother you.

10. He doesn’t apologize when he’s hurt you.

When a person is devoted to someone, they’ll do everything they can to make that person happy. It’s an act of selfless love that’s visible in so many ways. At times your significant other may hurt you in some way. It’s rather unavoidable and a common aspect of any relationship that takes humble apologies and rebuilding broken trust.

If he knows he’s hurt you, yet does nothing to repair your hurt feelings, that’s saying something important about his level of commitment to you.

11. He’s hesitant to introduce you to his family and friends.

He should be absolutely beaming with pride over you to everyone he sees, especially his family and friends. If he’s really committed to you, he’ll be delighted to have you meet them so he can walk up and say “this is her.”

12. He starts telling white lies.

If he lies to you about the little things, he’ll have no problem lying to you about larger issues too. You don’t want to be paranoid, but how can you not be when he’s constantly bending the truth to make himself look better? It’s a slippery slope, ladies.

 

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