Trying To Decide If I'm Bisexual Is SO Much More Confusing Than I Expected

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Entering The Swinger Lifestyle Brought Me Face-To-Faces With My Sexual Orientation
Sex

WTF do bi-curious and bi-comfortable even mean?!

I have been married a long time. As in, I have long since passed the anniversaries of wood, steel, and crystal and am now approaching the year for platinum. Mr. Scarlet will love that and I’d better tell him to start saving now, but I digress ...

It didn't take us too long into our exploration of the swinger lifestyle — about half of an evening at a swing club, to be exact — before we discovered that there are several, for lack of a better word, "matchmaking" websites for swingers out there. The moment we got home, I started setting up profiles.

After trying to figure out a good name and a memorable password, we got to "preferences." Most of those were straightforward enough to answer easily.

Smoke? No. Drink? Yes. Weight? Approaching this one honestly here. These people would eventually see me in all my glory, so there's no point really in BS-ing this one.

Sexual orientation? ...

For Mr. Scarlet this was obvious. Straight, straight, straight. Not narrow-minded or homophobic, but straight.

But the answer for me? Hmmm ...

Well, for a long time while being married, I would’ve put down asexual. My libido had disappeared and I pretty much had no interest in anyone. It had come back in the past year, fortunately, but that's a story for another day.

Initially, I put down straight. I’m straight, right? I mean, I’d never been with a girl. I’d been with Mr. Scarlet for forever and when I first went to the swing club my intention was to find new men to play with. But ...

On the other hand ... I'd always had some women that I was interested in at any given point in time, so straight wasn't really true. I mean, I go to the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival for crying out loud, which is a radical feminist multi-media extravaganza centered around Womyn’s (i.e. lesbian) music started by radical lesbian separatists nearly forty years ago and where the breakdown of women in attendance is 70% lesbian/25% straight.

On the other hand ... I had no experience with a woman. So was bi, really true? Is sexuality defined by interest or experience?

On the other hand ... I hadn't previously considered options besides finding a new man to play with while Mr. Scarlet plays with a new girl. Hmmm, it might be fun.

On the other hand ...  I had no interest in letting guys, including Mr. Scarlet, watch my novice p*ssy-eating if it were ever to get to that point. That would mean completely renegotiating our current rules.

On the other hand ... Why did all of these profiles say the woman is bi? I mean, OK, philosophically I think that to some degree all women are bi, and probably most men if they’d admit it. I’d read “What Do Women Want” and I believe in the Kinsey Scale where I’m probably a 2.

On the other hand ... What would the women interpret if I said that I’m bi? Would they automatically think that I want to play with them? Would straight women not be interested in us then? Would the other guys expect a show?

This was all so freaking complicated!

And WTF is Bi-curious or Bi-comfortable? I thought the continuum was straight-bi-lesbian ...

After much internal debating, I went with the options of bi-curious and bi-comfortable, neither of which are really true, but both of which seem to be the path of least commitment.

It just felt easier to stay a fence sitter at that point.

Later I start reading some swinger discussion forums. There were opinions that bi-curious mean that the husband wished the woman was bi, that it really means bi-selfish in that the woman receives but doesn’t give oral sex, or that it is soft-bi meaning anything but oral/strap-ons is ok.

Maybe you just can’t win. Or maybe, I’m just over thinking this ...

 

This article was originally published at Life on the Swingset. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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