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By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on May 19, 2017
I write about sex a lot. I also talk about it a lot. I don't just do these things because I am a pervert (although I am), I do them because it is my job, and it's one I take seriously. Well, as seriously as anyone can take a job that often finds them researching phrases like "cute butt plug" on Google.
Because May is National Masturbation Month, I've been talking and writing about sex even more so than usual, especially with marketing and PR reps who are eager for me to talk about their clients who are selling things like knock-off fleshlights, penis numbing cream, and jingle bell nipple clamps.
By and large, I don't wind up writing about a lot of the stuff that comes my way, because unless it's interesting to me or I think it's going to change the way you have sex and orgasm forever, I'm not going to waste your time or my time writing them up. I am not the home shopping network, I'm a journalist — of the sex-having variety.
Which is why I am telling you that if you try no other "liquid vibrator" out there, you need to try Doc Johnson's Liquid Buzz Vibrator.
When I received my tiny bottle of Doc Johnson's Liquid Buzz Vibrator in the mail to test out for a review, I was skeptical.
I've played with a lot of good sex toys and creams, and I figured that it would be like one of those warming lubes by KY. It might make my bits all tingly, but it wasn't going to turn me into one woman orgasm-having machine.
After a long and sweaty day (it broke 80 in New York and it is not yet June) I decided what better way to relax than in the nude with a couple of drops of liquid vibrator on my clit. The directions were simple (1 to 3 drops directly to your clit) and yet somehow, I bungled them.
See, when something says "drops" I assume that it's going to be a liquid, and this stuff isn't. It's kind of the consistency of Vaseline someone left on the radiator, though it smells much better, like cocoa and vanilla and mint. So my 1 to 3 drops were more like a half teaspoon of the stuff.
I sat and waited for lightning to strike, and when nothing happened, I shrugged and figured the stuff was a dud. I stood up to go take a shower and immediately sat back down again because my clitoris was on fire. We're talking serious burning feelings. I looked down to make sure that my thighs hadn't rubbed together and actually caught any pubes on fire and nope, it was definitely the liquid vibrator.
I texted my boyfriend in a panic. He was horrified and probably also a little bit aroused.
Because I am a intrepid scientist, I did not immediately leap into the shower. Instead, using a makeup removing wipe, I roughly swiped off a fair amount of the stuff from my clit and nearly fell to my knees in the process: because I was having the world's angriest and most surprising orgasm.
Post-orgasm and with probably finally the right amount of the liquid vibrator on my clit, I retreated to the safety of my bed where I curled into a fetal position and had orgasm after orgasm while the sounds of Arrested Development blared in the background. Sorry, Jeffrey Tambor, I now associate your voice with intense orgasms and there's nothing you or I or God in his heaven can do to change that.
Even once the effects of the liquid vibrator dulled, it still left my bits feeling full and sensitive, much in the way I felt right after I got the O-Shot. I gotta say, for less than 30 bucks, this might be a better deal. You don't get a needle stuck into your clitoris and you get endless piles of orgasms that are humbling in their intensity.
Here's how this liquid vibrator actually works:
"The main ingredient is a 100% organic fruit extract that creates the actual buzzing sensation (Zanthoxylum Alatum), which is a high-end extract of the prickly pear.
Once applied to the clitoris, Doc Johnson's Liquid Buzz Vibratordoes two things: first, it invigorates the glands to aid in natural lubrication, and after a gradual build-up of about two minutes, creates vibration sensations that can be best described as 'harmonic': buzzing/vibrating in the same way a mini bullet would work — it creates an actual back and forth rolling vibration, as opposed to a prickly tingling or numbing sensation."
I kinda want to try wearing it while I have sex with Rob, but I worry it will destroy his penis. And since I love his penis, that would be not ideal. Thankfully, it looks like Doc Johnson also has a Buzz Lube that I will absolutely be trying out in the not so distant future.