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And that's really OK.
By Carrie Budd — Written on Mar 18, 2021
As a single person in my late 30s, I believe it’s perfectly natural for me to worry that I am going to end up alone.
My friends and family who are well-meaning, of course, like to say, “You are not going to die alone. Don’t be silly...” or some other such "positive" quip that they think I want to hear, but what I really want to hear is the truth.
The fact remains that the probability any one of us who is currently single will NOT find a life-long partner before our inevitable demise increases every day as we age.
People say there is “someone out there for everyone” and I am here to boldly challenge that concept.
People die alone every day, and I’ve witnessed it first-hand.
My mother passed away unexpectedly on December 31, 2014, at the far-too-young age of 58. She hadn't been in a steady relationship (or dare I say, even dated anyone regularly) for over 10-plus years.
If there's anything I learned from her experience, it’s that tomorrow is never a promise.
You can’t even guarantee that you’ll be here tomorrow, so there is certainly no guarantee that we will each find a compatible mate. And even if we do find that person, there’s no guarantee they’ll remain there with us until the end, no matter how much they want to or we want them to.
So yes, some people actually will die alone — and that’s the harsh reality all single men and women must face.
As someone who is both overweight and of average attractiveness, that challenge is even greater for me than it is for others. I’m competing with much more attractive women for a dwindling number of available men. That might sound self-defeating or pessimistic, but I am a realist who is intelligent enough to see the truth before me.
The odds simply do not favor women like me.
The challenge people in my position face is that we have to find a healthy balance between being content with being alone while not undermining our openness to the possibility of finding a mate. Independence is an extremely attractive quality to many people, but too much independence can be intimidating or off-putting to potential partners.
So it can be quite the Catch-22.
We also have to manage our way through the additional challenge of finding someone of the quality of character we desire and deserve at this age.
It all becomes terribly complex and confusing.
As a single thirty-something, people will tell you that you can’t find someone if you’re not out there looking in one breath, and in the next they’ll insist to you that it's once you stop looking that the right person will come along.
Do you have any idea how confusing and frustrating that is?
So where exactly do people in their 30s and older meet other singles?
People have suggested to me that I could meet guys with potential at the supermarket, church, any type of class, a sports club, the gym, the park, and/or work.
In my 30-plus odd years on this planet, I’ve never once been asked out in any of those places.
Also, I don’t know a single person who met their significant other in the supermarket.
I’m pretty sure that only happens in the movies.
My suggestion for how to deal with the single life takes a far more realistic approach.
As I was sitting on the couch watching one of my favorite shows recently, it occurred to me: here I am in my pajamas, legs unshaven with no make-up on, and I do not have to share my chips and salsa with anyone.
Would it be nice to have someone to cuddle up with while watching TV? Of course, it would! Absolutely!
But there are also perks to being by yourself.
I have a lot of love to give and would love to find someone to share even the most mundane aspects of life with, but the reality is that many of us may never find that person and that’s something we need to learn to feel comfortable with.
We just have to find a healthy balance between being content with being single and remaining open to finding that special someone. —
When I find the secret to that magical and delicate balancing act, I promise I will share it with all of you.
In the meantime, please don’t say to me, “Of course you’ll find someone.” Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t.
Either way, what I truly need is for you to support my decision to be content with being single, whether that’s temporary or remains the case 'til death do I part.
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Carrie Budd is a writer with a passion for helping others. She finds great joy in empowering women to find the strength to forge ahead when all hope seems lost.