Photo: maxbelchenko/ Shutterstock
If you haven't got a date, it's because you're using these flirting techniques.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on Apr 30, 2023
Back when I actually was in the dating scene, I had used (and seen) some pretty horrible, cringe-inducing, or even downright toxic moves.
To a point, I’m beginning to think that bad flirting moves are a byproduct of a really bad dating scene. Or, perhaps it's because not everyone is socialized anymore.
Either way, I’ve seen a lot of them — and have sadly been guilty of some, too.
At times, the people who used these methods of getting someone to date them would actually work; however, it was never long-term.
If you’re wondering why, it’s because the kind of behavior they used to flirt with others often led to toxic behavior later on. That being said, most of them never actually got anywhere with others.
If you’re currently single, you might be wondering what you’re doing wrong with others.
Here are 13 flirting techniques you should never use unless you want to turn him off:
1. You whine that you're alone
I have never seen this work, period. At best, the person won’t realize you’re basically begging them to date you. At worst, they’ll look at you and think you’re pathetic.
If you used this, there’s a good chance that you might have hangups on the dating scene that are bleeding through into your interactions, your social media, and more. Trust me when I say that I understand what that’s like, but if it’s this bad, you might want to take a page out of my book and just stop dating.
2. You talk about how others want to date you
The only people this works with are narcissists and people with low self-esteem. These are people you should not want to date or even sleep with because they often come with consequences and strings attached. If anything, doing this just puts off healthy people from dating you, and that’s really not good for you.
3. You befriend someone for the sole reason of sleeping with them
I’ve been that girl guys befriended for sex. It hurts. Like, it really hurts. The guys who befriended me with hopes of getting laid never did get what they want. However, they did leave me with a complex that took years for me to overcome.
So, as you can imagine, they lost a good friend, made friendships that much harder to believe in, and they also got a reputation for being creeps. Not good.
4. You go to a professional meeting in hopes of getting laid
I’ve also been in this situation too. I had a guy who said he wanted a writer for his sports thing, only to meet with me later and ask to sleep with me. The “sports thing” all but disappeared. If you want to make a person feel invalidated, this is a great way to do it. Also, this is a good way to get slapped.
5. You intimidate a girl into being with you
I’ve seen this in real life, and yes, the police got involved. How anyone thinks it’s acceptable to bully someone into dating them is beyond me. No one who is bullied into a relationship will ever love their bully.
6. You hint that you should get something for spending money on a girl
This is also known as the “transactional dating” mode. Yes, you bought a girl a drink. No, she isn’t obligated to give you anything. The fact that you think this way says that you don’t really understand what dating is.
Dating is about getting a connection to a girl, not buying small trinkets in exchange for sex and/or a relationship. If you don’t care that she’s not into you, and do care that you spent money on her, maybe you shouldn’t bother paying money at all.
7. You try to buy a date
I’ve been there when I was really desperate. I know how bad you have to be in order to think that the only attractive thing about you is the money you make. Buying dates don’t work. At best, you’ll have a sugar baby who will bail if you don’t pay them enough. At worst, you’ll look pathetic.
People who date you for cash will never love YOU — they will only love your money. It’s also an incredible money drain. (I ended up deciding to save my money, and just walked away from guys.)
8. You neg
No, just don’t do it. Insulting people to “prime them” into dating you is horrible. It’s abusive. And frankly, the people who it works on aren’t the kind of people you want to be around.
If you want to ruin your reputation among decent people, by all means, neg away. Just don’t be surprised when you end up alone by using this bad flirting technique.
9. You are mean to others as a way to impress people
You know how every single dating guide warns people away from men and women who are rude to waiters, taxi drivers, and others? Most people already know that to be a red flag. No one likes a bully except for other bullies.
10. You tell the person you're trying to date that every person of their gender is the same
I actually use this tactic as a way to get guys who are allegedly interested in dating me to back off. It works surprisingly well. That should tell you volumes about it.
11. You insult them if things don't go well
Okay, this isn’t a flirting technique as much as it is a side effect of being a selfish jerk or a person with a lot of emotional problems. Yes, rejection hurts, but that doesn’t give you the right to allow your emotions to get the better of you.
We live in a polite (ish) society, and that means that you need to control yourself — unless you want to be known as a psycho.
12. You beg for a date
I have been here too, and you know what? It’s horrible. Begging sucks away your dignity, and even if they agree to a pity date, nothing will ever come of it. This, in turn, makes a vicious cycle. The more you do it, the worse you feel, and the more you feel you’d have to do it to get action.
13. You try to convince someone to date you
This is really just one step up from begging, but the problem is that you can’t negotiate attraction. When I realized that nothing I would have said or done would have made a guy I was begging to want me, I just walked away. After all, I’d want someone who wants me, not someone who feels sorry for me or someone I had to “sell” on me.
More for You:
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.