Dear Fox News, This Isn’t 1950 — Don’t Tell Women To Be ‘Nice’ To Find A Man

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This advice isn't just bad ... it's dangerous.

Writer Suzanne Venker recently wrote an article about what men really want when it comes to love, dating, and sex.

Turns out, according to her, men just want a woman who will be nice to them. Turns out, according to her, it's up to us broads to be the nice girl that these men require us to be.

A disgusting assertion? To be sure. Considering the source, however, it's less than surprising. 

Venker's made a career out of enraging feminists with her "hot takes." 

This isn't even the first time I've written about her.

Just recently, I wrote a response to an article Suzanne Venker wrote giving women guidelines on how to stop being sexually harassed in the workplace. Yeah, because that's our responsibility, Venker. 

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Venker's newest piece on Fox News's opinion page is titled "Most men just want a woman who is nice" and I want to kill it with fire.

To be clear, that's not because I don't value courtesy and good manners. I do, I just happen to think that they should implemented by both men and women. 

Ah, but our plucky authoress would have us think this is not so!

After imploring us to be sweet to our man and ask him how his day was (as if we have no social skills and/or it is 1950) Venker suggests that we exercise our "nice muscle." What the fuck does that mean? Well, I'll let her tell you:

"I’ve had to learn how to be be nice. A lot of women think they’re nice because they act nice. But acting nice and being nice are two different things. Being nice means you think of others before you think about yourself. (And yes, there’s such thing as being too nice and putting your needs last; but I’m not talking about that.) It means you’re attune to the needs of others and incorporate those needs into the equation."

Right, because women are known for putting ourselves first and not for suppressing our own needs and wants in order to better support and love our family, friends and co-workers. Right, we're all completely self-obsessed monsters. 

For the record, the only "nice muscle" I plan on exercising is my vulva when I do my kegels, y'all. 

 

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It must nice to be a man with such a simple desire: a nice woman. Hell, it's probably really nice to be Venker too, or any other woman who honestly believes that by smiling and behaving in a way that is appropriate they can guarantee a happy relationship and a life free of being victimized or discriminated against because of the simple accident of their gender

Sadly, I live in the real world. You know, the one where niceness means jack shit when someone has decided to shoot you. 

This article reminded me of a now infamous quote by the author Margaret Atwood

She once said that when asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, "We're afraid of being killed."

It's become a tragic truism over time for a reason.

 

Related: If You're Not Feeling These 12 Things It Isn't True Love

 

If you think I'm overreacting, then you're not paying attention to the real threat men still pose to women in the year 2017.

Here are 5 things women actually need in a man — that go far beyond just looking for someone "nice."

 

1. A man who won't kill us for being pregnant. 

Being pregnant is stressful enough, there's the nursery that needs decorating, our gradually shifting hips, and the nightmare of our bodies flooding with hormones. Being with a man who will kill us is just the cherry on the sundae of suck. 

One of the MOST common causes of death for pregnant women is murder. 

 

2. A man who won't kill us for marrying them. 

Marriage is hard work! It isn't just about love, respect, and attraction. It's about communication, trust, and battling against the tedium of any life sentence. Finding our husband standing over us with a knife in the middle of the night, that's something no gal wants, no matter how nice she may be! 

At least a third of the women murdered every year are murdered by their husbands. 

 

3. A man who won't stalk us and then kill us. 

Stalking is dangerous, scary and difficult to prosecute. When a woman rejects a man she fears that he will lash out, but only in her nightmares does she think he will stalk her. Sadly, being stalked is just one of the prices we have to pay for being female. 

89% of female homicide victims were stalked for at least 12 months prior to their deaths.  

 

4. A man who won't buy a gun and kill us. 

The gun debate has raged on in the United States for years. Every time it seems like it's reaching a head, nothing happens. That's because gun lobbyists have government officials in their pockets. 

A woman in the United States is 11 times more likely to be killed with a gun than a woman living in other high income countries. 

 

5. A man who won't rape us or kill us for knowing us or being related to us. 

85% to 90% of rapes reported by college women were committed by men they knew. 

30% of women who are murdered are murdered by someone they are related to. 

 

So here's what I have to say: fuck nice. 

Nice is a four letter word.

Nice is a smile when you don't feel like smiling. You know why animals in the wild smile? To show submission so that they won't be attacked and killed. That might be find in the jungle between two big cats, but it's not fine among human beings. 

Stop telling women to be nice in order to catch a man.

Instead let's flip the conversation about how we can better love and understand each other without letting our prejudices, conscious or otherwise, about gender lead us to live in constant fear.