Photo: Broward County Sheriff’s Office
Safe sex means more than ever right now.
By Kiarra Sylvester — Written on May 10, 2017
Some women can suck a mean dick, but me? I can't even deep throat my toothbrush to get the back of my tongue on a regular morning.
That gives you plenty of perspective as to what I'm like when it comes to performing oral sex with an actual penis. (God forbid I'm just not in the mood to perform. Poor guy.)
But I never beat myself up for giving a bad B.J. from time to time (even if I vomit a little bit) because let's face it: That shit's hard. I've quoted Samantha from SATC once and I'll quote her again ...
And apparently, it's a job far more dangerous than any of us really knew. Sadly, we made the discovery after a Florida woman allegedly died a death by deep throat.
A 65-year-old Florida man, Richard Henry Patterson, says his girlfriend died because his really big penis cut off her air supply while she was giving him a blowjob. Note: He's on trial for second-degree murder.
Patterson is asking the court's to permission to whip out his junk in the courtroom in order to prove just how well-endowed he is.
Patterson's attorney, Ken Padowitz, says the size of his penis “is material and relevant. The view by the jury is essential for them to fully understand Dr. Wright’s testimony and the defense in this case.”
Despite the stories obvious absurdity, there's a good chance that Patterson's big-penis defense may get him off (ugh, not like that).
Although it sounds crazy, I get it, to an extent. I get it right up to the point of questioning anyone's decision to keep something in their mouth that was cutting off their air supply. Naturally, I'd be spitting penis out of my mouth if I was asphyxiating on it.
Even a high-profile medical examiner, Dr. Michael Baden, can't dispute the claims, acknowledging to the New York Post that "strange things can happen," even though it's nothing that he's yet to come across.
Not to scare you, but Dr. Baden informed the Post that "there’s quite a number of ways that sexual activity can lead to inadvertent deaths." But, that's a different story for a different day.
However, I will note that although he hasn't seen an instance of men dying from blowjobs he has heard of women dying from oral sex upon men blowing air into their vagina and causing an air embolism.
Should the big-penis defense fail Patterson, he could be found guilty of second-degree murder. His girlfriend was found by police 24 hours after that she had died, already in the stages of decomposition. The autopsy found that there was no trauma, but no definitive "cause and manner of death."
The defense has pointed out that the defendant might not even be facing these charges had he not incriminated himself with texts to his daughter and daughter saying that he had "done something wrong."
Hmmm. This case, with so many to come out of Florida, may be one worth following, but without ever even doing so we've still learned one big thing:
Safe sex means so much more than a condom after reading this news.
