How To Handle It When Your Ex Is KILLING It At Life... And You're Not

Photo: weheartit
ex is successful

Yeah, it sucks.

Picture this: You’re driving down the highway when you see a billboard and there, in 48-inch letters, is your ex’s name. Or, maybe you get a newsletter from your alma matter and the cover story is all about your ex and the amazing acts of charity they do with all their extreme wealth. And if that wasn’t enough, they just won their third triathlon in record time.

Ugh, why does their winning at life make your presence in the world look so pathetic? It’s not easy when your ex is much more successful than you are and it’s even worse when you can’t even hate them for it.

It took you ages but you finally got over them and most of the time it doesn’t hurt you (or hurt you as much) to hear good things about your ex and their life. Now, when you check their social media accounts, it doesn’t feel like a knife to the heart. You haven’t shed a tear for them in years and if you met them on the street or at a party, you might even be able to say hello to both them and their new, possibly supermodel partner.

However, reading the glowing reviews of their performance on Broadway, or seeing their book in the window of Barnes and Noble is difficult. It’s not that you want bad things to happen to your ex, just... maybe not quite so much good.

It can be challenging when you realize that your ex is successful and you aren't. You realize that you’re an adult and you need to handle it in a mature way, but honestly, you just want to drink a lot and throw things. But you know that anger and jealousy aren’t going to do anybody any good. You need to take control of your emotions and be the bigger person, even if your ex has no idea how much their success is annoying you.

You need to make sure their success doesn't take anything away from you or affect your self-esteem. Believe that you and your ex are at different points in life and that you can both be successful-accept wherever you are and who you are is enough for right now.

So, when your ex is successful and killing it at life, here's how to handle it.

1. Don’t be (or at least try not to be) jealous of their life. 

I know, it’s challenging seeing them not only achieving their goals but doing it in such a BIG way. When you knew them, those dreams were nothing more than a fantasy, and now, they’ve not only achieved them, they’ve surpassed them. As far as you can tell, this is just the start of their spectacular success and that they’re well on their way to accomplishing everything they ever wanted to do — and even some of the things you wanted to do.

2. Forget regret. 

For whatever reason, you’re no longer with them. Maybe it was a mutual decision or maybe it wasn’t, but it most likely worked out the way it should have. Yes, it would be fun to be able to share in their success with them, but it’s not your job anymore to be your ex’s support system. Think about the lessons that relationship taught you and how you can use them to propel yourself further.

3. Focus on your own achievements and goals. 

Just because you haven’t achieved all your goals, it doesn’t mean you won’t, and it also doesn’t mean that you haven’t achieved some smaller goals. If you write down everything you’ve done and how much you’ve gained, you’ll be surprised at what you’ve accomplished.

4. Use your envy as motivation. 

Okay, so your ex is successful and has scaled all the way to the top; they’ve shown you it can be done. They did it and so can you, you just need to focus that envious energy towards your own dreams and what you can do to make them come true. Your way may be completely different than how your ex did it, but that doesn't mean it won’t feel fantastic.

5. Give yourself credit. 

No matter how small, you had a part in their success. They wouldn’t be who they are, nor would they have gotten to this point, if they hadn’t known you. All our relationships shape us in some way.

6. Be grateful for what you have. 

Gratitude is a powerful energy. By feeling grateful and appreciating what you have in your life, you’re bound to get everything you want and need.

7. Wish them well. 

You don’t have to contact them (don’t use this as an excuse to reach out), just silently wish them continued success. Their achievements don’t take anything away from you achieving what you want in life — success is in unlimited supply and there’s plenty for everybody. If you can let go of the bitterness you feel and congratulate them on doing so well, it will reflect positively on you.

Remember, life isn’t a competition, and just because your ex is slaying at adulting, it doesn’t mean that you can’t as well. Trust that your time will come and that your ex is just giving you a road map for your own journey to Success Town where fame and fortune await you.