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It's nothing you said.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on Apr 29, 2023
I hate online dating, I really do. The reason I hate it so much is because there’s absolutely no way to tell how someone really is without meeting up with them.
Guys who seem normal at the start turn horrid once you reject them. Others who seem a bit kooky end up being great dates. Simply put, it’s an infuriating grab bag of people, and it was bad enough for me to give it up.
One of the worst things about the online dating scene is the sheer number of people who ghost you.
Even not getting a reply to your message, as a girl, can be kind of jarring.
This is doubly true if the guy in question seemed like a good match for you or seemed like he was interested. If you’re wondering why guys don't reply and what could be causing them to disappear from your messages, the following reasons may explain things away.
Here are the 9 real reasons why he’s not replying to your dating profile message:
1. You’re not his type, physically
This stuff ticks me off because it stings being written off due to something like your physique. As much as I hate to say it, the dating game is very rigged in favor of “hot” people, especially if you look female.
Alas, this is dating and that’s why I don’t care to play the game anymore. Even so, would you really want to date a guy who can’t look beyond your appearance? I sure as hell wouldn’t.
2. You may have come across as crazy
Lord knows I’ve had my crazy moments in dating, but hasn’t everyone? If you’re noticing a pattern of guys ghosting, reread your messages and have a third party look over your profile. If it seems too aggressive, desperate, and depressed, then chances are he bailed because he was worried about how you’d react as a person.
3. He got caught by his girlfriend or wife
This is scarily common. Depending on the site, you might be seeing as many as 1 out of every 4 profiles being made by a guy who is actually in a serious relationship. Consider yourself lucky if this is the case.
4. He may have found someone
A lot of guys will only stop chatting on dating sites once they are in a legit, committed, labeled relationship. If you notice that his profile disappeared, it could be that he was done with it. It’s not fair to you, but it is what it is.
5. He may have realized that you want a relationship, but that he doesn’t want anything serious with you
Truthfully, this is both courteous and hurtful at the same time. A lot of guys, upon realizing that a girl won’t allow for anything less than a relationship with commitment, will ghost the girl. It’s the man’s way of shrugging and saying, “Eh, too much effort.” At the very least, he didn’t waste your time.
6. You may have taken too long to reply
Hey, it happens to all of us. Life gets in the way, you spend a week without checking your inbox, and BAM! There’s a hottie. If you wait too long to reply, he’ll assume that you’re not interested and move on. After all, wouldn’t you do the same?
7. He’s over it
There’s nothing in the world that doesn’t say that guys don’t get fed up with online dating too. If a guy rage-quits Tinder or OkCupid, then you know what? There’s nothing you can do to stop it.
8. He took too long to check his account and ended up realizing it’d be awkward to message you back
Yep, this is something that does happen. I know because I have seen guys do this when I tried to coach them on how to approach women. Don’t worry, it’s not on you.
9. For some reason, he’s just not interested
You can’t negotiate interest or attraction. You can’t sit there and tell him that he needs to be interested in you because, frankly, it doesn’t work. As bad as it is, you need to take the signal to move on.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.