What You Need In A Best Friend (As Told By Someone With VERY High Standards)

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Best friends eating pizza
Self

Why settle for less?

Ever since I was young, making friends was easy, but keeping them? Well, that was a bit more difficult. 

Granted, you're going to go through some things here and there when you're in a relationship, and you are. A friendship is a type of relationship.

And over time, you learn to factor in life and how it ultimately plays a major role in forcing friendships apart (making it no less heartbreaking) after they've overstayed their welcome for too long.

Moreover, I've learned to factor in my growing impatience. As someone who spent most of their life an only child, I have a thin layer of patience for people in my personal space and my telling facial expressions don't make me any less of an asshole. 

I want to say that my tolerance for people has grown, but I don't think it has. I think I've learned how to navigate my relationships in that I try to surround myself with like-minded people so I can spend far less time worrying about who I'm offending.

This is something I didn't learn to do until college, so it's safe to say I'm still filtering through high school friendships. And, more or less, that means I'm due for a breakup or two, soon — if it's not already happening in the way that BFF breakups do (really sneaky-like).

Although I realize how this mindset could be detrimental in friendships, I only desire to surround myself with like-minded people — not clones, but just people whose views and values align with my own — people whose views don't irk the living hell out of me.

This is despite years of my mother telling me I absolutely must learn how to deal with other people's personalities because frankly, I'd rather throw the baby out with the bathwater. 

However particular I might sound, I must be doing something right because my very best friends have been around since grade school. And even with the ones who I met later in life, I have every intention of knowing them just as long.
 

Related: 9 Reasons A Blunt Friend Is The BEST Friend You Can Have
 

I've remained close to these friends for these 5 reasons — it's because of these standards that we both uphold, as we get older.

Here exactly what to look for in a best friend, when you're particularly particular about the people you're with:


1. Someone who gives you room to breathe 

Clingy friends don't last long with me, and if they do I've probably ghosted you a time or two (really way more if I'm telling the truth).  Yes, a friendship is a relationship, so nothing will ever be perfect, but what this will not be is an intimate relationship. Please don't continue to call or text my phone under the delusional belief that I didn't get your first three calls.

Definitely, don't call me at the ass crack of dawn to tell me about your date. These are things reserved for the very best of friends, not a one-sided attempt to hold onto something we once had. 

We don't need to talk every single day for us to be best friends much less regular gal pals.

 

2. A shared mentality

I have friends who are religious, I have friends who are not. I have friends who are political, I have friends who are not. These are not the types of differences that will turn me off of a friendship, but I really prefer friendships where we share the same mentality when it comes to physical health. I don't want to explain why I go to the gym because you think being skinny=fitness, and I don't want to have to feel like an ass for telling you you're making excuses for your health; relationships (meaning your world doesn't become enmeshed with your bae); and a willingness to experience life (I don't want anyone who is content, but rather someone constantly looking for ways to grow and venture out into the unknown). 
 

Related: 41 Things You And Your Best Friend NEED To Do Before You Die
 

However, at the points where our mentalities differ, I want it to be in ways that can help me to flourish and improve as a person and I hope to do the same for her.

 

3. Someone positive 

This one is a little more difficult because I think it's easy for all of us to be a little pessimistic at times. However, if you're constantly the killer of all good vibes, you need to reevaluate. Once you've worked whatever inner demons you have out, then maybe we can try our friendship again. 


Related: You're Not REALLY Best Friends Unless You've Felt These 18 Things
 

4. Someone who makes time for you  

In the same way that I want a little space, a relationship still needs time spent together in order for it to thrive. If every time I call to ask you out, you're too busy — that's a deal breaker. The one thing my intimate relationships has taught me is that people make time for what they want to make time for. And even if you're not dodging me, I want no parts of a friendship with zero fun bonding time.  

 

5. Someone who's aware 

At the root of it all, my inner circle is made of people who are aware of me and what I need and vice versa. There's a balance, and our friendship isn't disproportionate (in that they don't call me under the guise of seeing how I'm doing JUST to humblebrag about how wonderful their life is).

I'm always happy for my friends, but there's nothing worse than one who kicks you when you're down, and if we're all very honest with ourselves, we don't want to hear someone else's relationship is roses and rainbows two minutes after you revealed you were cheated on and then dumped.

Seriously, that's just poor etiquette.

But above all, they're aware and take into account each point listed above. 

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