How To Move On After Divorce By Accepting Your Ex Exactly As He Is

Why you need to STOP trying to change him — and how.

By Aria Gmitter — Written on May 10, 2017

Photo: pixabay

The worst is behind you, and the fear of divorce is no longer a fear — it's a new reality.

So why is it that when he comes to get the kids, you still feel the same anger and frustration you felt while you two were married?

Shouldn't divorcing him have solved that problem?

You really thought he would change after losing his marriage, but he hasn't.

He is still as frustrating as ever. And your interactions with your ex continue to cause you a ton of stress.

At the end of the day, you already know how futile it is to stay stuck in the same mental narrative. You need to move on. But the cycle remains the same.

How do you move on after a divorce when you still have to interact with your ex?

There's really only one way.

In her new book, Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love, Andrea Miller explains how people we love are types of reflective mirrors that can actually help us grow. Areas of conflict that create tension are gifts that teach unconditional love of ourselves.

Miller explains how radically accepting others starts with the concept of "Stop, Reflect, and Introspect".

"Stop, Reflect, Introspect offers you a powerful means to get outside of your emotional reactions, enabling you to quit reacting and to respond more thoughtfully and constructively to the triggers that would otherwise trip you up," she writes.

Those who learn how to radically accept their ex-spouse are able to terminate the vicious cycle that blocks their ability to have a loving relationship with others — and themselves.

Change is hard, and changes in attitude are sometimes the hardest.

Because so many people struggle with trying to move on after divorce, we asked our YT Experts to provide some sound advice and motivation.

Here are three reasons why accepting your ex — exactly the way he is now — is the key to happiness in your future.

1. Choosing yourself opens the door to happiness.

“It’s crucial to remember that no matter how much you try, you can’t change other people … but you CAN change the way you react to them!

Be realistic about what you can expect from your ex, and co-operate rather than compete. Don’t hesitate to let him shine at the things he can do well. Your happiness hinges on your ability to let go of wishing things could have been different. Embrace the freedom you have now to follow your own path to happiness.”

Judi Vitale is an Empowerment Coach offering Transpersonal Coaching, Hypnotherapy and Astrology. You can get weekly astrology forecasts and learn more about her on line and in person services at her web site, and watch her blog at YourTango for more support and advice.

2. Your focus controls your direction.

“Trying to control your ex after your divorce keeps you locked in the same drama you dealt with during your marriage.

If you really want to be happy, stop worrying about what your ex is doing and focus on yourself and your kids. When you loosen your grip on your ex, you free yourself to live and love on your terms.”

Karen Covy is a Divorce Adviser, Attorney, Mediator, and Coach. You can follow her divorce blog on her website at KarenCovy.com.

3. Time is precious not to.

3 Reasons TRULY Accepting Your Ex Is The Only Path To Post-Divorce Happiness

Why you need to STOP trying to change him —​ and how.

Why you need to STOP trying to change him — and how.