Your soulmate is out there. But you need to know what to watch out for.
By Stan Tatkin and Estee Kahn — Written on Jan 19, 2018
The one. Prince Charming. Mr. Right. Your soulmate.
Whatever you call him, and however hard you try to find him, he still seems to be elusive.
And when you see all of those loving couples surrounded in a bubble of love, you can't help but wonder, what am I doing wrong in trying to find my soul mate? Is there something they know about love, that I don't?
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In our latest YourTango Expert video (which you can watch above) Dr. Stan Tatkin — couple therapist and author of Wired For Dating — explains that finding the kind of love you're looking for boils down to two words:
Couple bubble.
Think about those couples you've seen where the couple seems to be completely and utterly there for each other.
They put each other first — they put their relationship first — even if it means they have to give something up for themselves. They trust each other completely and can depend on one another.
In fact, they seem to be a single unit.
And very often, that's what scares us from actually having that kind of relationship. The bubble is intense!
Many people think that being in a couple requires you to surrender yourself when, in fact, being in a relationship gives you more of a self.
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A healthy relationship is one where you can grow, become your best self, and have a safe and nurturing place to land if you fall.
When you find someone you can grow the couple bubble with, that's a major sign you've found your soulmate.
And while it may feel like a huge emotional risk to take, putting your faith and energy into the couple bubble is how you build your "soulmate" relationship. It's how you grow love. Because those enviable relationships? They take work.
If you can't find that safe space, that bubble, that foxhole, whatever you want to call it, then he isn't the one for you.
If you're with someone and you don't feel like you have a place with them where you're safe, loved and protected, then you're not in the right relationship. That is not your soulmate.
And if you know what to look for, then finding your soulmate will be a heck of a lot easier.
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Dr. Stan Tatkin is a couple therapist known for his pioneering work in helping partners form happy, secure, and long-lasting relationships. His method — called PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®) — draws on principles of neuroscience and teaches partners to become what he terms “secure functioning.” Join the conversation about secure-functioning relationships via the PACT Institute's Facebook page. You can also follow Dr. Tatkin's Twitter account and Facebook page.
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