30 Life Lessons From 30 Years Of Living (That I Wish I Knew A Looong Time Ago)

Photo: weheartit
life lessons
Self

Own less stuff.

It was my 30th birthday a few days ago. Roughly 30 years ago I came into the world a fat, loud, fuzzy little baby. And now I’m a slender, quiet, fuzzy big man. Oh, how the times have changed!

I’m pretty sure I’ve learned some things in my 30 years of existing, but at the same time, I feel like the older I get the more I realize I don’t really know anything at all (or, at least, my truth is constantly shifting and up-levelling). Because truth is subjective to begin with.

Enough with the ramblings. Here are some cool thoughts that I like, that you’ll probably get some value out of. Here are 30 life lessons from 30 years of living.

1. Control what you can control, and ignore everything else.

You can’t control a lot of things in your life. You can’t control when your friends or family members die. You can’t control if or when an intimate partner decides to leave you. You can’t control the weather.

But you can control your response to any of these things. You can control your actions. You can control whether you follow through on your word or not. You can’t control everything, but you can control many important things. Focus on those.

2. There’s no such thing as perfect — there is only progress.

Perfection doesn’t exist. Progress does. Don’t worry about tracking every goal obsessively. Don’t worry about saying the perfect thing, all the time. Don’t worry about being in flawless good shape. Do your best. Keep moving forward. That’s all any of us can ever do.

3. Accept everything.

In order to move through any challenging or sticky part of your life, you must first learn to accept it fully.

You can’t let go of your arrogance until you acknowledge that you can sometimes be arrogant. You can’t consciously influence your income until you sit down and look at the truth of your financial life. You can’t improve the quality of your intimate relationship until you’ve allowed yourself to accept the state that it is currently in. You can’t outrun the truth.

Accept everything, as it is, right now today, and then you can work on it more effectively.

4. Write down your thoughts.

There are few more powerful things you can do with your time than active self-reflection. Journaling is good for this. Observe your thoughts in real-time by regularly jotting down your thoughts with pen and paper. You might be amazed at what falls out of you.

5. Take responsibility for all of it.

Take responsibility for absolutely everything in your life, even when it’s difficult. Feeling really out of shape? What have you done or not done to have that be your current reality? Not enough money to go on a vacation? If you were to own that problem fully, how could you move through it and create enough value in the world so that this problem went away rapidly? Partner cheated on you? Ask yourself how you may have contributed to the situation.

This stuff isn’t easy, but it’s worthwhile.

6. Learn to cook and eat well.

Just like sleeping well, moving your body, and drinking lots of water, getting into the habit of eating nutrient dense, whole foods is a force multiplier habit. Do this, and the rest of your life is also positively impacted.

7. Lead with the giving hand.

When you are forming new relationships, ensure that you always lead by trying to ADD value first, instead of trying to GET value. This habit alone will change how people respond to you for the rest of your life.

8. Give disproportionately more value than the other person.

To kick it up a notch, always aim to give more than you receive. Not because receiving is bad (receiving is beautiful, and it’s own amazing skill to cultivate) but because providing value to others feels amazing for you as well.

9. Drink more water.

It helps with your digestion, sleep, sexual function, and tons of other amazing stuff. Is this consistently hard to do for you? Life hack: buy a beautiful 1-2 liter water bottle that you feel compelled to carry around.

10. Send gratitude bombs to people you love.

If you’re newer to my writing you might not have heard this phrase before. A gratitude bomb is a lengthy love letter to someone that you care deeply for. Do this regularly. Let people know how they affect you. Everyone you love will die one day, or you will die first, so don’t let your praise go unsaid.

11. Own less stuff.

Clutter in your physical space leads to clutter in your mind. Give away or donate half of your clothes. Same for your books. And other things that you know you haven’t used in over a year. Own fewer things and aim for quality over quantity with the things that you do own.

12. Spend as much time as you can face to face with people you love.

Technology is great. It allows us to connect with people all over the world rapidly. But nothing beats face to face connection time. As often as you can, meet up with your closest friends, favorite family members, and intimate partner, and have undistracted (aka no phones) time together.

Connection is what we are hardwired for. And with anxiety and depression on the rise in developed nations, we’ve never had a stronger need for it.

13. Drink a nutrient-dense green smoothie every now and then.

Smoothies are great, as long as you’re drinking the right ones. Don’t slurp down ten servings of fruit and pretend that that’s healthy for you. Instead, opt for smoothies that are vegetable heavy and include choice supplements.

14. Sweat every day.

Exercise is great for everything. Do it more often. Are you a lazy person, but you still want to sweat? Read this.

15. Cry hard as often as you are able to.

Few things feel more cathartic as bawling your eyes out. Cry hard, as often as you can, and you will experience lower anxiety, more connection with your emotional body, and more deeply fulfilling relationships as a result.

16. Laugh hard as often as you can.

Also, make sure to swing the pendulum into lightness as well. There’s a time to cry, and there’s a time to laugh. Do both.

17. Get in touch with your repressed anger.

Another emotion that often gets repressed is anger. Anger doesn’t have a big place in society (except when you’re watching sports). Feel your anger fully, and see what it has been covering up for a while. You’ll feel more boundaries, more self-expressed, and more whole after you feel it.

18. Find a coach or mentor who you trust, and invest heavily in them.

Six months into starting this website, I had written over 100 articles, but barely had anyone reading my writing. I hired a coach to help me reach more people, and my monthly number of readers grew from 10,000/month to 200,000/month in under six months.

Two years ago I realized that I had yet to feel my way through some of the most traumatic experiences I had lived through in my childhood. I found a coach that I resonated with and he helped me integrate the unresolved trauma in short order.

This past year I wanted to eat healthier, but I didn’t know where to start. Hired a nutritionist, problem solved.

Bottom line: coaching works. If you feel stuck in some area of your life, you owe it to yourself to lean on the borrowed wisdom of others.

I am a firm believer that you can’t invest heavily enough in coaching (which, ultimately, is the same thing as investing in yourself). You are your life’s ultimate asset. Act accordingly.

19. Have a regular movement practice.

Your body needs to move and your mind needs it to be fun and engaging. It doesn’t need to be fancy. Go for an extended walk. Dance around in your underwear. Go skateboarding. Play basketball with friends. It all works. Whatever your thing is, make sure you do it often.

20. Tell your stories.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

You don’t need to tell your stories to millions of people across the internet, but there’s something truly healing about allowing your stories to be told. Whatever truth is within you, it begs to come out. Tell your stories to close, trusted loved ones. Tell your stories to your notebook. And, yes, if you’re feeling adventurous, start a blog and tell your stories publicly.

21. Eat salads.

A lot of the world is nutrient-deficient. Combat that by eating a larger amount of vegetables. Between my morning smoothie and nightly salad, I aim to eat 10-20 servings of vegetables per day. This might be overkill, but better safe than sorry. When was the last time you had a salad?

22. Supplement intelligently.

Speaking of micro-nutrients, there are many reasons that people are deficient in certain things. One reason is a plain old poor diet primarily consisting of overly processed foods. Another reason is soil erosion (less nutrients in the foods that we’re eating, even if they are healthy foods). I supplement with certain things every day. Vitamin C. Curcumin (turmeric). Omega 3 fish oil.

Depending on your unique genetic makeup and lifestyle, there’s a good chance that your health, immune system, and cognitive functioning would greatly benefit from supplementing with certain things. Talk to a nutritionist, naturopath, and your doctor today about being in the best shape possible with your health.

23. Build your own team of healthcare professionals.

Maybe you have a well versed, multi-disciplinary medical doctor that you go and see. If this is the case, fantastic! This section isn’t for you.

But if you’ve ever had a health scare that you couldn’t get to the bottom of, then it’s highly likely that (at some point in your life) you will need to become your own doctor and build a team of professionals around you to support you in your healing.

I’ve had many clients who (eventually) found out that they had Lyme’s disease, black mold related health issues, chronic fatigue, or were just burnt out, and they required a team of 3-5 different professionals (RMT, acupuncturist, naturopath, personal trainer, medical doctor, therapist, etc.) to move through their symptoms.

There’s no shame in receiving support. Especially when it comes to your health.

24. Buy an alarm clock.

Having your phone in your bedroom will negatively impact the quality of your sleep, the quality of your relationship, and your stress levels. Buy an alarm clock. Plug in your phone somewhere outside of your bedroom. Make your bedroom a tech-free save haven.

25. Know yourself.

You suffer in life to the degree that you don’t know yourself. This is why I’m such a huge advocate of journaling, coaching, and investing heavily in the community. The more mirrors you can set up in your life to know yourself, the better.

People who don’t know themselves spend countless years in unfulfilling relationships, misaligned careers, and geographical locations that don’t fit with what would actually bring them joy. Know yourself, realize what you actually want in life, and honor your beliefs and standards.

26. Join a weekly support group (or start your own).

One of the most potent ways that you can begin to know yourself more fully and live in greater alignment with yourself is joining a regular group. Men’s groups, women’s groups, mastermind groups, special interest groups, MeetUp groups... the options are unlimited.

Whatever area you’re looking to grow in, do a Google search for that plus the name of your city, and see what’s in your area. If you can’t find exactly what it is that you’re looking for, start your own group. Not only will you grow in the area you’re looking to grow in, you’ll also become more adept at extending to others while simultaneously practicing your leadership abilities.

27. Read just as many books about sex, love, and relationships, as you do fiction/business/whatever you already read.

Love matters more than anything else in your life. Don’t believe me? Ask Harvard.

If you haven’t read a book on sex and relationships in a while, I would strongly recommend you check them out. Not sure where to start? These are some of my favorites.

28. Ask (yourself and others) challenging questions.

You grow in life to the degree that you’re willing to lean into difficult conversations. Ask tough questions. Speak challenging truths. Have the conversation you’ve been putting off with the person that you love. Lean into your discomfort, and you will gain more confidence for every unit of courage that you expend.

29. Follow your bliss.

Not sure what to do with your life? Follow your bliss and learn life lessons. That’s it. That’s the ultimate life hack. Seek out the things that make you happy, and find a way to make that what you fill your calendar with. Spend time with people you love. Turn your passion into your career. Do exercise you love.

Whatever give you goosebumps or makes you tear up with joy, do that. Do a lot more of that.

30. Tell everyone you love that you love them, today.

Get in the habit of telling your favorite people that you love them, every day. Make this a non-negotiable practice. You’ll improve your relationships, you’ll feel warm and fuzzies, and you’ll be more effective in life because you won’t have unspoken truths weighing you down.

.......

Sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray helps people remove their emotional blocks and maintain thriving intimate relationships. You can see more of his writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com. 

This article was originally published at Jordan Gray Consulting. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author
Blogger