Why You NEED To Know About The 'Drunk American Girl Mating Call'

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Double Standards For Women Who Enjoy Having Sex Gave Rise To The 'Drunk American Girl Dating Call'
Sex

It's not as innocent as it looks...

Here’s something you may or may not realize: In America, women of any age are not permitted to appear interested in sex. It is also not acceptable for women to be overtly sexual.

To some of you, this may not be news.

It begins when we are young. Some parents look the other way when their sons touch themselves, but daughters, for the most part, are shamed, told “don’t touch” and redirected. This begins the detachment women experience between their minds and their genitals — and the basic innate sexuality that is supposed to be part of their lives becomes separated from the rest of their personality.

Take these daughters and fast forward to their adulthood. Now, as women, many aren't even aware when they are aroused.

Some women don’t know what turns them on. Some women have never had an orgasm.

Even once girls become adults, our society doesn't want women to show any interest in having sex unless they are in a committed, heterosexual relationship (preferably a marriage), and even within that narrow definition, there are expectations around the ways you should go about your baby making.

 

Related: The Clitoris Is God's Greatest Gift To Women (And Girls Need To Know It Too!)

 

Anything outside of penis-in-vagina sex is considered and sometimes labeled “deviant," which is both a horrible term and so untrue.

Now fast forward again to advanced age. Some in our society have preconceived notion that “older” women are not sexual … or, at least, there is a double standard that says women of a certain age are not and should not be sexual enough for a virile man of the same age.

Does Hugh Hefner come to mind for anyone else? 

This is so sad and so negative. Lots of women come into their sexuality in their late 30’s and 40’s and are plenty sexual. And for many, it only gets better from there!

Because of this cultural view of female sexuality, American women have adapted to get what they want sexually while preserving the "proper" persona.

There is a phenomenon that I have observed in multiple heterosexual settings.

I call it "The Drunk American Girl Mating Call."

This behavior is exhibited by women seeking the attention, most often sexual attention, of the opposite gender. Everyone, especially men, seems to recognize this behavior without even realizing what is happening.

Picture this: You are in a bar. It’s getting late. There’s a group of women who are maybe out for ladies’ night out or a bachelorette party. Most times there’s alcohol involved. Inevitably, one of the women in the group is getting a little tipsy … she puts her arm in the air, tips her head back with her eyes closed and lets out a loud “WOOOOOO!!!”

That’s "the Drunk American Girl Mating Call."

Men zero in on that woman as if she is the weak one in the herd. 

It’s a deliberate announcement that one is ready to party, but it can be interpreted many ways. Most clearly, it sends out a message that this woman is a little drunk and more receptive to being hit on, as opposed to another woman who is sitting in the corner sipping a sparkling water.

This was not a behavior I observed when I lived in Europe. Presumably, this is because of the more accepting European view of human sexuality.

This happens, in my opinion, because it’s not acceptable for women to be sexual beings.

If a woman engages in sexual behavior when she's drunk she has a built in excuse for it. “OMG, I was so drunk last night!” This insulates her image and, most importantly, her reputation. She’s still a “good girl."

Again, my issue is this: It’s not OK for women to act sexually aware. It’s not OK for women to dress overtly sexy. And it’s not OK for women to talk in a sexually suggestive way.

Given all of this, what are the alternatives for women who are interested in engaging in some potentially non-family-forming sexual activity?

I’d like to see changes in what’s considered acceptable in terms of gender roles for a number of dating behaviors.

Now keep in mind, I am not calling for women to do all of these things all of the time, but I want it to be acceptable for women to do these things when they want to.

Here’s how my ideal would look:

  • It’s ok for a woman to initiate conversation with a person they find attractive, but a man can too.
  • It’s ok for a woman to ask another person out or to ask for his/her contact information, but a man can too.
  • It’s ok for a woman to plan a date, but a man can too.
  • And, by extension, it’s ok for a woman to initiate sexual contact if they so desire, but a man can too.

In the best case scenario, there would be some give and take, with both partners equally interested and involved in moving things forward, maybe even to the point of a relationship. But it would also be OK if a person doesn’t want a relationship.

 

Related: I Was Called A Slut By Mean Girl Moms — But I Refuse To Be Shamed Into Submission

 

I’d like to see more consent and respect on behalf of both parties as well.

Most importantly, it should be acceptable for women to be sexual beings  to feel sexual, to want sexual satisfaction, and to speak up for what they want.

Men will require a little re-education, but it’s for their benefit and they will soon realize this doesn't take away from their machismo.

This control over our sexuality is not going to be handed over willingly. We must speak up for what is best for all women.

 

Dr. Lanae St.John, ACS is a San Francisco Bay Area Board Certified Sexologist, Parenting & Relationship Coach, and Sex Educator who teaches Human Sexuality to college students at City College of San Francisco, writes a blog as “The MamaSutra” and has recently completed a manuscript for a parenting book about human sexuality. She is also the proud mother of two daughters with whom she actively embodies her message of empowerment, freedom of expression, and a sex and body-positive mentality.

 

This article was originally published at The MamaSutra. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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