A Man Feeling Good About Making His Lady Orgasm Is NOT A Threat To Feminism

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how men feel about female orgasm
Sex

Helping your woman cross the old finish line is sometimes something to be very proud of.

Not news: men feel really, really good when they orgasm. Maybe news: men feel really, really good when the women they’re with orgasms...and that could be bad for women. 

Per a study from the Journal Of Sex Research — a real and spectacular thing — dudes who help their females partners achieve orgasm feel more powerful than those who don’t. Some researchers believe there's a flooding of a neurochemical cocktail when a male primate perceives his partner orgasm and it makes him feel useful, virile and potent.

You can see much more on the study from our friends at Vice’s Broadly. However, the researchers were somewhat concerned (possibly even troubled) by these findings which "could be interpreted to support the notion that the increased attention to women's orgasms, often lauded as the symbol of women's sexual liberation, actually reflects a repackaging of women's sexuality in the service of men."

The Broadly author, Kimberly Lawson, makes the journalistically excellent move of seeking a second expert’s somewhat contrary opinion. Great stuff. However, one can’t help but feel that the analysis of the results (by the researchers) may be slightly alarmist. 

Everyone appreciates that the fast-paced, flossy world of grant research is "publish or perish" and that even scientific publishing is laden with the same burden that digital publishing is regarding click traffic. This makes the need to turn your findings into a blockbuster report on western sexuality an imperative when maybe it could be logged in science’s great, big “well, no sh*t files.”

Maybe the initial question was “Do men really care if their partner orgasms?” and when the answer came back an emphatic “yes,” they had to turn a sack of potatoes into a plate of curly fries. Had the result been “men who pee off canyons feel more powerful than men who don’t,” you’d guess that no one would be shocked.

We’re "lit" about pretty much any neutral or positive change we can make with our genitals. I can only imagine the look on any man’s face is one of pure glee when he’s doing the helicopter d*ck move, for instance. It’d be like discovering I could fly if I thought for one second that this dumb blood-filled tube could make someone slightly happier for even momentarily. 

And, Jesus Jones, do we all have that one friend who does a little too much charity work. And we question her motivations. But it turns out that she feels really good about the good she’s doing and you kind of think to yourself, “I guess if she hated helping people she’d be a goddamned martyr so it can’t be that bad.” And maybe she’s not addressing the root causes of teen leprosy but she’s off the couch and jamming her face right into the problem. 

And further, sometimes “helping” your partner cross the old finish line is sometimes something to be very proud of. It can be like defusing a bomb, only your partner can’t tell which wire to cut because she’s colorblind in this scenario.

You’re stressed out and sweating because the clock is counting up instead of down with an evening of dissatisfaction looming large. You notice that the episode of Futurama which started when you pulled her underwear off is rolling credits (it was a good one with Zapp Brannigan, too) and you start feeling a little soreness in your neck.

You periscope up, ostensibly for air, ask if maybe you can roll onto your back and grab a pillow, but she doesn’t like how she looks from that angle. So you soldier on, maybe in figure 8, maybe you do the lizard, maybe even try the Marmaduke and, at some time, something happens.

As if gripped by the mesmerizing hokum of a traveling charlatan, she briefly leaves her body and likely the concept of three-dimensional space and, while you don’t actually hear it, you both experience the kind of whooshing that a great sound effects editor would foley into a scene of the hull of a space station being perforated by an unscheduled explosion.

At that point, mouth red-as-a-cup-of-good-Kool-Aid, patting oneself on the back is probably warranted. 

Maybe a conversation in the vein of “and what exactly do you like?” would help in some instances, because how men feel about female orgasm is important. And despite what some egalitarian fringe ethos may want you to believe, male and female downstairs play is different with the latter being more complex in the same way that American football is more complex than soccer. 

Also, evidently, men are awful at giving orgasms so the whole thing is rapidly a farcical zen koan"You want me to get better at giving you orgasms but don't want me to want to get better at giving you orgasms."

Maybe there is a tangent that the authors of the study whiffed on and it’s that sexually satisfying women is kind of the story of male existence. There are some evolved or even indifferent members of the clique of men, but for the most part having a big (wide, as it were) penis is a good thing — possibly the best thing. A big jawn isn’t good for much other than pleasing a partner, even if a lucky few guys get to make ends meet working for the highly influential off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway show Puppetry Of The Penis.

Doesn’t help swimming. Not good for kickboxing. Not great for a pair of flat front chinos (Jon Hamm’s john ham). Before this becomes a BuzzFeed list about "8 Reasons Having A Big Dick Is An Issue" (and then a BuzzFeed video about “These 22-Year Old Virgins See A Huge Dong In Person For The First Time"), let's agree to knock out things like reproductive rights, pay gap and the myriad of double gender standard before we federally mandate that dudes erase millions of years of genetic programming to make sure that they’re bringing their partners to climax for the right reasons. 

 

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