Whether Or Not Anyone Else Finds Curvy Women Sexy Makes ZERO Difference

Photo: London Andrews via Instagram 
No One But ME Decides If I Think Curvy Women Are Sexy (As Told By BBW Lady Cheeky)
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It took me a while to believe it, but once I did there was NO looking back!

I posted an image similar to the one below recently on my Tumblr blog, Lady Cheeky. When I blog my photos, I do it rather quickly as I only blog the images I, personally, think are sexy.

I don’t always comment on photos I post, but when I do it’s because a word or a feeling comes to mind and I add the comment as effortlessly as I would if I were having a conversation. I thought the image was beautiful and that the body, with all its texture and curves, was gorgeous. 

On that particular day, without thinking, I posted the comment “GORGEOUS” on a sensual photo of a zaftig woman laying on her side. 

Nick Holmes

The only major difference in that photo was the presence of a naked man behind her.

Even though my Tumblr site is body-positive, I still get the regular lookie-loos who just want to see the graphic images. That’s fine, I like them too. To each his or her own. But when comments attacking someone’s size, either skinny or large, deluge my inbox, it always makes me roll my eyes and sigh.

 

Related: Whether Or Not Men Find You Sexy Has NOTHING To Do With Your Size Or Shape

 

This wasn’t the first time I've received unkind words regarding a photo I posted.

But this time, I recognized a change in how I see them.

When I receive these blistering notes, I don’t get angry. I don’t get offended. I don’t get depressed or antagonistic or vindictive. I never feel attacked, "less than" or judged.

Because I share some of the physical characteristics shown in the picture I posted, I could sit here in self-hate and use the rapacious insults to validate all that I think is wrong with me. In fact, in the past, I would have.

But now, instead, I feel like a climber who has reached the top of a small but difficult mountain, looking out to azure skies and tree-topped valleys upon the vast landscape which holds the secret of my next trek.

When I see these comments in my in-box now, I feel validated and liberated and secure.

Because I know I’ve overcome thinking of my round, soft and curvy body as less desirable, less sensual and less important than the average-sized women I used to compare myself to.

I feel free from the drama that used to envelope my head with constantly worrying about whether my lover would walk out the door when he first sees my stomach … naked and without Spanx binding it in.

Feeling confident that I am attractive because I feel sexy in my own skin and because I “know” who I am as a woman is the payoff of years and years of hard inner and practical work.

 

Related: 20 BRUTAL Truths About Love & Sex Women Only Believe Once They've Been There

 

So, when I post a gorgeous photo of a nude woman, laid out in all her vulnerable, sexy nakedness … a woman who resembles me much more than a traditionally sized woman does, I no longer take in the “fatty” or the “whale” or “the lazy whore needs to go to the gym” comments, because for every nasty comment that gets lodged at me when I share what I personally think is gorgeous, I get a comment like this:

“That picture that you said 'Gorgeous.' I have almost the same body as her. It made me smile.”

THAT made ME smile and made my day.

It reminded me of this quote from Mary von Ebner-Eschenbach:

“In youth we learn; In age we understand.”  

In my Oprah-like “a-ha moment” I see that no matter how small your contribution is to a purpose you believe in — for me, my little blog — you still have the capacity to make a stranger smile ... and even potentially piss off the ignorant at the same time.

And that makes my younger-self feel weightless and my present self feel very, very grateful for the capacity to finally understand.

 

A singular voice in the sexual health community and a body acceptance thought-leader, Elle Chase is a sought after sex education/sexuality expert for such outlets as TODAY SHOW on NBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, Men’s Health and Buzzfeed. Chase is also the creator of the award-winning feminist sensual images blog LadyCheeky (warning: NSFW). Her much anticipated first book, “Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life,” is available now.

This article was originally published at Smut for Smarties. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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