In a perfect world, people with low sex drives would only be attracted to each other, and people with high sex drives would only be attracted to each.
Additionally, Doritos would have no calories. Sadly, we do not live in a perfect world.
We live in this one, a world where Doritos continue to make your ass expand and where some women spend their lives ducking the dudes who want to have sex with them and where men desperately comb the internet for any hints as to how to make women want sex.
While there is no magic button you can press (her clitoris does not count) to turn a woman on, there are definitely certain things a man can do to get a woman to drop her panties for sex a whole lot faster than usual.
Here are 7 things all dudes need to do if they want to get laid all the time:
1. Kiss her neck
This is a secret that men just need to generally get hip to.
Forget hugging her or being some cheesy-ass romantic and smooching her hand: kiss that bitch's neck!
A woman's neck is an often neglected curve, guaranteed to send her into paroxysms of ecstasy heretofore unseen by men.
Do it, and a world of sex-havery awaits you!
2. Hold the door
You can be a feminist and still hold the door open for her.
You can be a feminist and still guide her across the restaurant with your hand at the small of her back.
You can be a feminist and be charming and chivalrous, and you should be, because if you are you will absolutely get laid more often.
3. Eye fuck her
Sure, you can flirt with your words, but don't forget to let your eyes do the talking.
You want to be doing the nasty but you aren't? Lock eyes with her and communicate that!
I'm not talking using mental superpowers.
I'm talking give her a look that let her know she better bring a friend to the bathroom otherwise there is every chance you might follow her in there and have your way with her.
4. Give her the straight dope
So many men are afraid to tell women exactly what they want and how they feel.
Tell us what you want. Tell us how you feel.
A man looking a woman in the eye being direct, upfront, and honest is a bigger turn on than an entire mountain of shellfish.
5. Tease her mercilessly
We get it, guys aren't as into foreplay as women are, at least, not most men.
Once their dicks are hard, they are ready to go, and more power to them.
But the guys who keep us coming back for more, the guys we will gladly drop our panties for no matter the time place or weather conditions?
Those are the guys who know how to tantalize our bodies with teasing until we're practically begging for it and the sex they have will be awesome and frequent.
6. Help out without asking
You know what's sexy? A guy holding a broom.
You know what's even sexier? A guy holding a broom and using it without being asked to do so.
Gender roles are limiting and frustrating. Demonstrate to the woman in your life that you understand this struggle by doing shit like putting the toilet paper on the roll when it's empty or maybe ironing some of her shirts.
A man who is man enough to know that shouldering your load (in more ways than one) is sexy as hell and will absolutely have more sex.
7. Learn from listening
So you listen when your woman talks. Awesome, congratulations on being a person who understands what to do with working ears.
Somewhere along the line, men were taught that listening to women is the most important thing they can do, and I want to brutally slap this person.
Because while listening IS important, it's not nearly as important as taking what you've just heard and learning from it. You can nod and smile when your GF or wife comes to you with something bothering you all you want, but if your ass doesn't change that behavior, who cares that you listened at all?
The only thing sexier than a man who listens? A man who hears and learns.
Verily, all the sex shall be his.