10 Signs He's Not The Love Of Your Life, He's Just The Love Of RIGHT NOW

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Are You Falling In Love or Just Feeling The Love?
Heartbreak, Love

Life is about evolving, and the type of love you desire will evolve along with you.

You're head-over-heels, singing in the shower, smiling 'til your cheeks turn numb and red. And yet, let's be real: you and I both know this romance isn't for the long-haul. The spontaneous dancing and outbursts of glee are beautiful in the moment, but there are ten reasons why this love of your life may just be the love of your life right now:

1. Your values collide.

Family, politics, religion. You name it and there is a hot topic that can separate two love birds. In fact, 16 percent of Americans stopped associating with a family or friend due to the most recent election. I guarantee — swiping left out of political divergence myself — romantic duos were not spared.

Certainly, a difference in values can test a relationship and they can make a relationship stronger. You want to raise Jewish children; he agrees... so long as they celebrate Easter and Christmas at home. He wants to "go green" and you comply; why not try something new in the name of love?

But when the wall between your values keeps rising and there is no compromise in sight, it's time to face reality: run to Canada. Or, accept that this love wasn't meant to last. If you want a marriage and family, and he wants kids without the formality of a ring, don't fool yourself into thinking he will change. And don't let him pretend your values don't matter. You deserve YOUR life YOUR way.   

2. You haven’t told your friends and parents about him.

Warning! Warning! This is not a test! The first thing we do in a relationship is go bragging about our significant other to everyone we know. "Isn't he amazing?!" "He just did this for me." "Look at his cute little note." Truth be told, we become a bit of a pest to the single friends in our lives. But they understand because we are falling in love and loving every minute of it.

But if you are keeping your lips shut around friends and pushing the family out of the loop, it's time to take your choices as a sign. Do you think he's not a good fit for you? Are you worried your friends and family won't approve? Do YOU think this relationship won't last?

Whatever the reason, a vow of silence is a blaring alarm that something is not right. So dig deep and decide if this is a love to keep.

3. You have yet to have the "what are we" conversation, and it's well past due.

Oh, that awkward moment when you sit down, side by side, head in his chest, and try to figure out what to call yourselves. It should be obvious, right? You are much more intimate than friends and much less related than family. You are skirting around the name for what this is, and finally, over a cuddle of your legs, you come out and say it, crossing your fingers that he thinks the same, too.

This naming of the relationship is one of the most challenging, fascinating, intimate conversations at the start of your journey as a couple. But if you are well past the start and have yet to complete this big little chat, it's most certainly time to get talking or get walking.

4. Your dreams face East and his face West.

And I'm not talking metaphorically. Location, location, location is the centerfold of any real estate book, and they might as well just slap that label on the sticker of a relationship, too.

Perhaps you have always dreamed of living in the mountains, hiking the trails, and he's a country farmboy set in his ways. Or maybe you have a passion for travel, and he has a passion for video games and the living room couch. For the right person, some dreams will budge, but that kind of a budge should never feel like a compromise.

A relationship won't survive feeling as though you have given up your life goals for this man, unless your life goals have changed to include this man. So ask yourself: are you still dreaming, or is this relationship all just the hallucination of a love high?

5. The idea of going back out to sea is intriguing.

Some of us never delete Tinder. Or Hinge. Or Coffee Meets Bagel. Some of us never stop swiping. But take a cue from Dora: Swiper, stop swiping! Guy A will have better eyes, Guy B will have better hair, Guy C will make more money. And the guy right in front of you is the one you have.

So if you are still swiping under the table, imagining a life, a date, or a romp with these other men, something in this relationship is not swiping right.

6. Sometimes, you wonder where his life is going.

Come on, you can admit it. You like the artsy type in a band who shares a place with his brother and works paycheck to paycheck at the local Bed & Breakfast. He's managing and has a car. And for a while, you're falling in love with the free wanderer beside you and the sense of ease in his eyes. You love the poetry brewing behind closed lips.

But as your paycheck comes and goes to rent, reality hits and you start to wonder how long he can keep this kind of life up. You wonder where his life is going because those band gigs just aren't going to pay the electricity bill. You wonder where the equality in this relationship will really situate because financial responsibility sure won't be at the 50/50 line.

And you have no problem with that, except you start to wonder: will he lose direction? Is he already lost? Is he just a man trapped in a child's dream? And if, god willing, he makes it with his absolutely amazing band, where will that take you? On the road, away from the life you have built? Will it pull you apart?

7. You wonder how you fit into his life picture.

Because your life has a white picket fence and four children. Your life has a job at a hospital and friends in the city. Your life includes him but you are wondering if his life will always include you.

And, my friend, if you are asking so many questions about him and his life, and contemplating his future with an ounce of doubt, perhaps the real question is the one meant for you: can you trust in his love? 

8. Your Facebook status is as cryptic as the day is old.

We've all seen it: those friends who post pictures with this mysterious new man. And then they post more and more. But their relationship status never changes, and they never show the two of them so much as holding hands. And, of course, if the word "love" is ever thrown around, it is entirely vague: "Feeling love for my dear friend #goodtimes"

Listen, if your friends have to pick up a phone to know what is going on, you are either much more mature than most Millennials — you still talk on the phone! — or you are much too ambivalent about this new Mr. And that, my Ms., could be a sign that this Mr. is not "Mr. Forever Right."

9. You keep your relationship behind bed and sheet.

Not everyone loves to show their love out in public. In fact, some couples won't even hold hands in certain settings. And to each her own! But what were your last few dates? A movie at his place? A night at yours? A dinner made by the both of you? Chances are they all ended with some intimate nights without much effort on his part or even yours. 

That's all great and romantic, but is there a reason you are repeatedly hiding your life from the world? Is there a reason you are letting the relationship grow lazy? You deserve a night out!.You deserve to explore. And you deserve to ask him to take the lead or to ask yourself the hard question: why isn't this relationship worth the effort anymore?

10. You never seem to share in the intimacy of a four-letter word.

Listen, I've been there. You feel love for a person. You feel complete and alive with this person. You feel the world is narrated in a song because of this person. But you still haven't used the four-letter word. And neither has he.

And my friend, that's a sign clearer than any: something is standing in the way. Maybe you aren't really in love with him, but just feel love in your heart when he is around and feel love in your heart for him. And that's okay, and can feel wonderful.

But love for someone and being in love with someone are two very different things. Right about now, it’s time to sort out whether the kind of love in your heart is with him or for him, because, my friend, a relationship is a partnership. You are invested with one another, in a journey together. 

Of course, it's hard to walk away; it's hard to break things off. For all you know, this may have been love. He may have been right. But maybe he wasn't right for right now and he wasn't right for the person you are today. Maybe this wasn't the love meant for your life because you deserve more. And one day, when you and your new "him" and the time are all right, you will find that love and you will hold on.

Rest assured, life is about evolving, and the type of love you desire will evolve along with you. 

 

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