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This is non-negotiable.
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on Apr 17, 2017
I have always envied people who came from large families and I loved any TV show or movie that featured them. I only had one brother and he was 8 years older than I. He went away to boarding school as a teenager and then did a lot of traveling after that, so I never really saw him.
I longed to have an older sister to show me the ropes because I was convinced that having a slightly older sibling was the easiest way to get popular or to have a brother who could defend me against the neighborhood bullies.
The number of siblings that we have and where we are in the birth order help to form our personalities.
Obviously, there are other factors that help to shape us such as if we’re easy going or more highly strung, our parents' parenting style, how old our were parents when we were born, the environment in which we grew up in, and even genetics. Let’s also not forget variables such as if we have step-siblings, half brothers and sisters, and how large the age gap is between us and our siblings.
It’s with our family members that we learn about relationships and interacting with people. We learn how to communicate, fight, and even love with them. We see our parents' relationships and we try not to make the same mistakes that they did. While we are growing up, we suck everything in like a sponge and it can be overwhelming.
Our birth order influences us in many surprising ways and it can show us what we will and will not tolerate in a relationship. The funny thing is, a lot of the time we end repeating the kinds of relationships that we’ve observed and have experienced before.
There are some things we instinctively know we can’t tolerate for own sense of well-being. Here are your relationship deal breakers, according to your birth order.
If you are an only child...
You are a child of contraction, especially in a relationship, and if your partner doesn't figure out how to co-exist with you, they're out. You want a lot of attention but you need to have some alone time.
You want a partner who is creative and artistic but you want to be the star; you don't mind being their muse as long as it doesn't mean you have to stay in the background. You need a lot of stimulation in your relationship. You need a partner who is never boring and is still dependable, reliable, and stable.
You won't make a lot of allowances for your partner; they're going to have to find a way to incorporate themselves into your life, not the other way around. If you need to move to another city, then it's understood that the both of you will go; if it's your partner who got the job in a different city and you like how things are where you live now, they'll have to find another job or go without you. You know you can be challenging but you're worth it.
If you are the firstborn child...
What you need is someone who can be not just a partner and a lover but someone who is your advocate and has your back. They need to be trustworthy, dependable, and decisive. You have no patience for people who can't make up their minds or who are slow to take action.
You give as good as you get. If your partner is thoughtless, irresponsible, immature, and a flake, then a relationship will not work with them. You can't stand it when someone has an indifferent take on life and love. You'd rather have someone loyal than someone who is easy-going and laid back.
You want to be a partner, not a parent to your significant other. However, they can't be so strong and mature that they're inflexible and stuck in their ways.
If you are the middle child...
You're the family mediator and the one who tries to keep everybody together. You're the one at holiday time who insists that everybody come home, no matter how old they are and if they have a family of their own.
You've got feelings that must be acknowledged, understood, and respected. There were too many times growing up where you felt you weren't being heard so that's the number one requirement that you need from a romantic partner.
You need to be in a relationship with someone who is compassionate, sensitive, and in touch with their own feelings. You're not attracted to someone who is as unfeeling as a brick wall. In addition, you won't tolerate mind games, someone who is deliberately withholding or someone who ignores your needs for their own.
If you are the youngest child...
You learned how to work the system early on. You like to experience new things and new challenges. You tend to be somewhat of a risk-taker and you're up for almost anything, so your partner needs to be similarly open-minded and upbeat. You don't go for overly pessimistic or negative people because you don't want to be brought down by their angst.
If all someone wants to do is stay home and watch Netflix or if they're a very timid person scared by life, then they're not for you. You like taking chances and discovering new ways to get happy. You tend to look at the brighter side of life and the last thing you need is someone who demands that you look at things in a more realistic way.
If you are a twin...
As someone who has had a strong connection to another person from birth, you look to repeat that kind of closeness with a partner. You need someone who appreciates the uniqueness of you and someone who is 100 percent interested in you.
Your ideal partner is a great conversationalist and isn't only interested in hearing themselves talk. They need to be fascinated by you and have a need to know everything about you. You're not interested in somebody who keeps you at arm's length; they should be warm and willing to take down any barriers that stand between you.
You need a true soulmate and no matter how hard you try, if they're not fully into you, then your relationship isn't going to work.
How your family dynamics played out ultimately affects what you want in a relationship.
Sometimes we want to emulate the kind of relationship our parents had, and other times, we want the exact opposite. While we may still make the mistakes that our parents made, it's interesting to look at how your birth order may have influenced not only the decisions you make but how you act in a relationship.
