Reddit wants some sex questions answered and we're here to do it. Also, we talk about blowjobs.
If I know one thing about women, it's that they love having a man explain something to them. And that's the genius of Reddit's "Girls Ask Guys." This is the second part of the series (find part one here) in which I attempt to give real answers to periodically moronic sex questions.
You asked, and I answered.
1. Do you actually get any form of pleasure from titty-f*cking?
Yes? Pleasurable dong friction is pleasurable dong friction, but I think the idea that you'd let him do it is the real appeal of hot-doggin'.
2. Do you actually care how vocal your girl is in bed?
Yes. There is a certain amount of pride a dude takes in pleasing a woman he's sexing up and it's really difficult to report that pleasure using semaphore. Further, sometimes a good round of boot-knocking should engage the five standard senses.
3. If a girl wears a push-up bra, and then you get her home and she takes it off, are you disappointed?
If the plan was to just look at your boobs when you get home, then yes. If the plan was to f*ck, then no.
4. Is it disappointing for a girl not to swallow during a BJ?
No. After it's out of me, I don't really care where it goes provided it's not somewhere I'll have to feel, hear, smell, taste or see ever again.
5. When it comes to good blowjobs, do guys prefer the deep-throating?
A good blowjob means something different to different guys. Some dudes like the weird gagging noise and some dudes prefer it as if it's a handjob with saliva for lubricant. Different strokes. But no one is going to throw you out of bed for attempting to deep throat.
6. When you pee, do you hold your dick, sit on the toilet, or just whip it out and hope it aims the toilet?
This question is highly inappropriate. However, it's "hold your dick for aim and shake it twice" when you're finished for cleanliness.
7. Do men care if you're not very pretty down there?
For sure some do. Some have been conditioned by porn that labia are the tonsils of vulvas and should be neither seen nor heard. It doesn't make performing oral or vaginal sex any different, though, and it definitely doesn't necessarily affect taste or odor in any appreciable way.
8. When you hug us, can you feel our boobs touching your chest?
Yes. And some men actually are feeling for which side your bra clasp may be on when they touch your back during this hug. We're the best.
9. Do you guys really always think about sex?
In between thinking about sports and work and death and taxes and movies and books and food and the meaning of life, yeah, we think about sex. Younger guys and guys who are constantly lifting weights or kicking stuff might think about sex more. Might.
10. Why do you enjoy eating ass?
We're running out of taboos and, if you're clean and enjoy it, tossing salad is a pretty easy kink to try out as it's only like a 5 centimeter-drive from your vag.
11. Do guys honestly like the choking noises women make in porn while sucking dick?
It's a little much. I think hearing that in real life would make me laugh too hard to keep a good boner. You'd guess that some dudes feel really good about his hog if you're making a noise as if it's too big and literally killing you.
12. Why do you keep "adjusting" yourself down there?
There are three primary reasons: 1) it gets uncomfortable — stuck to a leg, tangled in boxing shorts, wedged in a weird fold of blue jeans; 2) for some reason unbeknownst to anyone, testicles itch periodically and rather than digging nails into our scrotum, sometimes we adjust; 3) it feels pretty good to touch our dongs and all of our dads and favorite baseball players seem to get away with it.
13. Do you really want to fuck all our friends, too?
Only if you do something to make us... JOKES! Yes and no. Yes, we want to f*ck your hot friends and no, we don't want to f*ck your not hot friends... JOKES! On the serious, we want to have sex with women we find physically attractive. That's it. If it's your best friend or a lady we see at 16 Handles, it doesn't matter. However, it's spectacularly unlikely that it will happen even if your dude and your friend wanted it to.