"One client cut out the crotches of all her husband's pants and threw them out the window."
The secrets of a divorce lawyer are probably things we've never heard of in our wildest dreams. After all, divorce lawyers get a bird's eye view into some freaky relationship situations.
Here's one doozy of an example:
"I was hired by a wife to assist her with a divorce. She had been married 9 years and had 2 young children with her husband. She wanted a divorce because she found charges to Victoria's Secret on their credit card, but her husband had not given her anything from that store. Like her, I assumed he was having an affair so we hired a private investigator to conduct surveillance on him. After two weeks, the PI had found no evidence to suggest the husband was cheating on her.
Still believing her husband was cheating, my client confronted him with the credit card charges. He adamantly denied having an affair and claimed he had bought the items to give to her. Reluctantly she believed him, and the divorce stayed on hold. She continued to believe him until she came home early from work about 2 weeks later. That is when she found him, in their bedroom, lights down low, music softly playing, wearing the sexiest little red teddy she had ever seen."
But that's out of the ordinary, right? Stuff like that hardly ever happens... or does it? It actually happens all the time, and here, some divorce lawyers share the wildest stories their clients ever told them. You'll feel a lot better about your own relationship after reading these.
1. She cut holes in her husband's pants.
"One client cut out the crotches of all her husband's pants and threw them out the window. I learned that for the first time during the trial when the opposing counsel was cross-examining her."
2. She answered the door naked when served with divorce papers.
"A client thought it would be a good idea to answer the door totally naked when the sheriff came to serve him divorce papers."
3. He sent his unknowing wife sex toys in the mail.
"One client admitted to me that he was sending sex toys to his wife anonymously, claiming 'believe me, she could use them.'"
4. He wanted a prenup with a crazy request.
"One guy I was drafting a prenup for wanted to put in the agreement a provision compelling his wife to engage in the sexual position of his choice at least three times a week. I refused, telling him that he ought to adjust his expectations."
5. He got into a fist-fight with his ex-wife's lover.
"I once represented the husband (let’s call him Tim) in a divorce with kids. Unfortunately, although he was just 'done' after 15 years together, he and his wife Nancy had simply not grown in the same direction. Nancy was convinced that Tim was cheating on her and wanted his blood. When I was able to get 50/50 timesharing for him (and her) in court, Tim was very happy.
After some time had passed, a new client (we’ll call him Jeremy) retained me under similar circumstances. I was in the midst of representing Jeremy in another hotly contested custody battle when I realized that he was dating Tim’s former wife (which explained why he had refused to tell me who had referred him; it was Nancy). How did I make this discovery? When Tim and Jeremy ended up in a fist-fight in a restaurant, to which each had taken the other’s wife (well, in Tim’s case, former wife) on a date, they were both arrested for disorderly conduct. Then they both called me from the jail! Needless to say, I had to withdraw from representing Jeremy."
6. He requested a "boob visitation" pending divorce.
"I had a case where it was a short-term marriage (no kids) and I represented the wife. The big purchase during the marriage was the wife’s fake boobs. Husband had his lawyer ask me if he could put language in the agreement which would allow him visitation of the boobs. When I asked the wife, she said that we don’t need to put it in the agreement and she would always grant him visitation. He paid for them...she would honor that."
7. He got in one last quickie with his soon-to-be ex.
"I had a case where the parties had a contentious divorce and we finally got them to reach an agreement. We went to court in the morning to finalize the agreement and the judge had an emergency and asked if we could come back. When we got back, both clients smelled of alcohol. I asked my client (husband) if they went to a bar together. He said they went to a bar... and then a hotel! That’s how the relationship started and they thought they would end it the same way."
8. He raised a baby that wasn't his.
"I had a case where the husband had an affair with a married woman. He got her pregnant and they had the baby without telling either of their spouses. They didn’t get caught until the kid was 6 months old. The woman who had the affair had to tell her husband, who had stayed up many nights with a crying baby, that the baby wasn’t his. That’s not a fun story, but it’s interesting."