"How I feel during sex is just all kinds of contentment."
On the heels of the success of my article "What Amazing Sex Feels Like For Women," I’ve had multiple requests to write a follow up from the male perspective. And I aim to please. So, this time, I reached out to my five most eloquent, self-aware male friends (who are all non-writers) and asked them to describe what sex felt like for men, in their own words.
What does sex feel like for men? Does the male orgasm feel any different than a woman’s? What does the emotional level of being allowed to physically enter someone feel like? What do they think of their partner’s bodies?
Describing any emotional/physical experience is hard, but talking about sex is even harder (pun intended). That being said, I think that these men did a fantastic job of capturing the various levels of what sexual intimacy feels like.
Here is what these beautiful men had to say.
1. This will be a weird analogy, but you’ll see why it makes total sense if you keep your mind open to it.
"Remember how when you were a kid on summer break and you’d play made up games with your friends that were totally nonsensical, and fun, and you immersed yourself entirely in them... and then somehow hours would pass and your mom would call you in for dinner as the sun was starting to go down? That’s what sex feels like for me.
It’s immersive, and kind of ridiculous in a way, but it’s so much fun that an entire afternoon could pass in what felt like an extended moment. And then there’s the feeling of coming home to something warm and familiar and nourishing at the end of it. That’s what amazing sex feels like for me. It’s explorative, fun, nourishing, and totally flow-state inducing. And when I’m with her, I feel like I’m home.” —Gabriel L., 33
2. I imagine that these sentiments seem like how a drug user would describe coming up on his drug of choice, but it’s true for me.
“Knowing the kinds of guys you’re likely asking this question to, I want to be a bit contrarian and not touch on the emotional aspects as much, but more the physical aspects. Because I feel like that hasn’t been publicized nearly as much. I feel like all the Cosmopolitans of the world have educated us that women have big, strong, pulsating orgasms, but what has been said about the man’s physical, sexual experience? So I’ll happily throw my hat in the ring.
First of all, when I start getting turned on (which could be instigated by anything as grand as my girlfriend explicitly telling me that she’s horny, or as small as her bending down to tie her shoes before we go out and I see the curve of her hip staring at me) there is an immense feeling of 'I need to put this erection somewhere.' It doesn’t cause me any anxiety. It just feels important.
I’ve heard my girlfriend explain that she feels similarly when she starts getting aroused, but instead of 'I need to put this somewhere' she has thoughts of 'I need to be filled up with something.' Which I’m happy about as it makes me feel like I’m not crazy. So the importance of the arousal speaks to me and, with how connected me and my partner are lately, it generally doesn’t take long before my penis is either in her mouth or her vagina. Not to be crude about it, it's just the truth. We just don’t do a ton of foreplay and it works for both of us.
The moment before I first enter her (orally or vaginally) I’m so excited I feel like I could explode. The first moment that I slide inside of her feels like everything in my life falls to the wayside and I’m only there. I’m so present. I imagine that these statements seem like how a drug user would describe coming up on his drug of choice, but it’s true for me.
All stressors, all of my work stuff, any grievances that I have with anyone outside of that room all fall away. My penis fills up with desire, gratitude, and longing, while it is enveloped by my partner’s warm, soft, loving embrace. There is nowhere else in the world me or my penis would rather be in that first moment of penetration.
How I feel during sex is just all kinds of contentment. My girlfriend will often want to switch out of certain positions because they squish her stomach up in a way that she doesn’t like and it makes absolutely zero sense to me. In my mind, I’m thinking, 'I’m having sex right now. With you! And I’m loving it. Anything to do with your fat, or cellulite, or makeup, or anything else, real or imagined, is the furthest thing from my mind. I promise.'
I feel like I’m in such a positive, blissful state when I’m having sex that anyone could deliver almost any bad news to me and it wouldn’t phase me. ‘I owe $40,000 in back taxes? Well, that kind of sucks. But my penis is in someone that I love so it’s all good.’
The orgasm is intense. From what I can gather from having witnessed a fair share of sexual partners throughout my years, it seems like women have longer orgasms that have a certain depth to them. And I feel like, for men, or at least for me, it’s as if that intensity that women experience over 15-45 seconds is condensed into our 3-5 seconds. I climax really hard, and it’s intense. But I doubt it ever lasts more than ten seconds.” —Jerry P., 29
3. It simultaneously feels like the most humbling thing I could ever do and the most God-like.
“At first when you sent me the question I thought you had just written 'What does sex feel like for men?' and I had an aversion to answering it... mainly because sex can feel like absolutely anything depending on my mood and who I’m doing it with. That would be like asking 'What does eating feel like?' And honestly, the answers would be similar.
Sometimes I do it because I’m bored and it’s alright. Other times I haven’t eaten in a while and the meal is absolutely amazing and it makes me want to cry because I love it so much and I’m so grateful for having had the experience of it. But since you asked about ‘what amazing sex feels like for men’ I’ll speak to that.
I honestly don’t think that any words would be able to accurately depict what it feels like to enter a blissfully willing partner to someone that isn’t masculine energy associated. Because it simultaneously feels like the most humbling thing I could ever do and the most God-like. I feel like each of those statements needs to be drilled down into for anyone who isn’t me to properly understand them.
It feels inexplicably humbling because, whenever I do it with someone that I really love and respect, there’s this overwhelming sense of, 'Wow, this beautiful angel, inside and out, is opening to me and accepting a part of me inside of her.' And not just in the physical penis-in-vagina sense. But truly, allowing me inside of her. So I feel humbled. Like praying on my knees in a church kind of humbled. I feel honored and humbled.
Simultaneously, I feel God-like. Because I feel like my penetrating sexual energy is being used to open my partner into a kind of sexual union. It feels like I am giving my partner a gift that she is allowing herself to receive, and it’s just beautiful.” —Anthony T., 36
4. The most erotic thing on the planet is to truly reach out and know someone.
“For me, the most amazing sex is always the most connected sex. My wife has an amazing body, I truly adore it. But there are some positions that I tend to avoid because I really, really like having her face in plain view. Case in point, she has an amazing ass that I lasciviously grab all the time out of the bedroom, but I don’t particularly enjoy the reverse cowgirl position because then I can’t see her face or kiss her while we’re making love.
I’ve heard other married guys in the locker room talk about how they love those positions because then they can fantasize that she’s someone else, if even for a split second, and I’ve never connected with that way of thinking. My wife is already so many people in one, I don’t feel like I’ll ever truly know her. Nor do I want to. I love who she is, who she’s becoming, and all of her various sides.
So I guess the short answer is that, yes, I like it when we feel the most connected. Lots of eye contact, lots of hands, lots of kissing. That just feels like love to me. Which somehow also feels like the most erotic thing on the planet. To truly reach out and know someone.” —Bryan C., 46
5. I derive more pleasure from my partner having unprecedented amounts of sexual satisfaction than I do from having the new, record-setting best orgasm of my life.
“Maybe this speaks to my younger ego, and I’m fine with that since that’s where I’m at in my life, but for me, the most amazing sex always happens when I can feel and see HER enjoying it the most. I derive more pleasure from my partner having unprecedented amounts of sexual satisfaction than I do from having the new, record-setting best orgasm of my life.
If she orgasms 6-10 times in an evening, I feel accomplished. If I make a new partner squirt for the first time, I feel amazing. It’s not that I feel like I own her pleasure or that I’m so delusional that I think that I’m solely responsible for it, it just feels great to be a part of it and witness the ripples of pleasure course through her body.
That’s really it for me. There’s no more fancy way to put it. My favorite sex is the sex we have the leaves her completely spent... just laying in a puddle of giggles and sensation.” —Quinn J., 24
Five very different guys with five very different answers about what sex feels like for men, but a lot of similar, core, underlying themes to their responses. Passion, familiarity, love, connectedness, emotional nourishment, intensity, worthiness, and a sense of simultaneously giving and receiving.
This article was originally published at Jordan Gray Consulting. Reprinted with permission from the author.