Leave "boyish charm" to the boys. Date a real man.
Being single and bitter as all hell, I’ve heard a lot of guys spew one line at me whenever I tell them the many horrible things that have happened to me in my quest for love. Every time something bad happens, it’s always the same line of “You weren’t dating men. You were dating boys.”
And you know what? They might be right and I probably should take their advice... if I still cared enough to bother with guys.
There’s been a huge uptick in man-children out in the dating pool, and it’s really unattractive. In fact, it’s so unattractive that it’s one of the driving factors in my decision to cease dating. I also know that I’m not alone in that decision, nor am I alone when it comes to the reason behind the decision, either. Not a day goes by that I don’t hear another girl go, “Yeah, I’m done with guys. I don’t want a grown child to take care of.”
Boyish guys are out there, and they’re plentiful. Having boyish charm is real and it can make girls hearts melt. But that’s also a problem. While a lot of “boyish” qualities can be endearing in the short-term, but as I’ve discovered, are pretty horrible in the long-term, especially when you want to date a real man.
Here are some of the worst offenders that fit that description.
1. Needing to be taken care of 24/7.
Look, I get it. We’re humans and we often need others to care for us, because we’re social creatures. But there’s a limit to how much you can expect a woman to take care of you.
If you expect girls to pick up after you, pay your bills, be your coach, and basically praise you for just breathing near them, you shouldn’t be dating. What you want, in this case, isn’t a wife — it’s a mom. Having to be a grown man’s parent isn’t sexy at all. Having been there, I can tell you it’s nerve wracking.
2. Telling her to “go back to the kitchen.”
Most girls I know just rolled their eyes or laughed along with the guy who said this stuff back in high school. It was something most girls just tolerated. However, it’s not high school anymore, and it’s really pretty demeaning to be with a guy who would talk about your gender that way. Girls, if you’re reading this, tell him to make you a sandwich.
3. Claiming you have weight requirements for dates.
Everyone is entitled to have their own preferences, but literally saying you won’t date anyone over 150 pounds is a big red flag. I’ve dated guys like this, and what I’ve personally found is that none of them were ever really vested in my personality. It was always about the looks and never about me as a person. It’s not cute anymore. (Actually, was it ever cute?)
4. Being a Mama’s Boy.
Oh, Lord have mercy! Nothing is worse for a woman than dealing with a man who’s basically a slave to his mom. This kind of behavior almost always comes with serious issues, as well as a really weird hatred of women. Do yourself a favor and if you see warning signs of this in your relationship, bail.
Yes, this may occasionally work with younger girls who are inexperienced or have issues that need to be addressed, but eventually, they catch on. The older you get, the more vile this kind of behavior becomes and the less you tolerate it. Grown men shouldn’t have to resort to negging in order to get a date and most girls over the age of 25 know that.
6. Bro behavior.
In college, hearing a guy brag about the crazy parties his fraternity has may be cute, particularly if you’re in Greek Life as well. But once you’re out in the real world, hearing about how he still hangs out with his fratboys and binge drinks isn’t so cute. It just makes him look like he peaked in college.
7. Playing the Pity Card.
I’ll admit it. I’ve gone on many, many pity dates because I felt bad for a guy and also because I thought the guy would appreciate me more. Hint: they didn’t appreciate jack sh*t.
After one too many whining, pouty messages, I realized that they were overgrown babies and that nothing about them was manly. These days, the minute I hear whining is the minute I grow disgusted and contemptuous towards said man.
8. Being a slacker.
When you’re in high school and college, seeing that one guy who’s totally mellow and doesn’t really ever remain employed can be cute. It’s cute in a “devil may care” kind of way. Once you hit a certain age, though, you’ll end up realizing that slackerdom often means that he’s depressed, has no goals in life, and also doesn’t really have many interests. And... that’s not cute.
9. Being a total pothead or binge drinker.
When you’re a teenager or in your early twenties, getting wasted is often a sign that you’re just learning the ropes of life and discovering who you are. The problem arises when the guy you’re seeing is spending money you both need for rent on pot or booze. Or, it arises when he makes an ass out of himself in front of your friends.
Either way, relying heavily on that mind-altering stuff ends up being less attractive as you get older.
10. Being a total party animal.
If anyone understands the boyish charm of dating someone who parties all the damned time, it’s me. However, coming home to an apartment that’s messy to the point of permanent damage and noticing half of your stuff missing isn’t fun.
When you add in the issue of party animals often being cheaters, this trait becomes a lose-lose situation no matter how you look at it.
11. Pipe dreams.
Younger guys can get away with talking about how they’ll be famous rappers one day... as long as they’re in high school. But for most guys, they won’t make a move to actually see that dream come true, nor will they do anything to better their situation until it happens.
So, that talk ends up being nothing but a pipe dream. After a while, the “all talk, no walk” look gets worn out, and you’ll get sick of hearing how he’ll take care of you once “they get their money.”
12. Being obnoxiously loud to get attention.
A lot of younger guys will get loud, shout, hoot, and holler just to get attention. Sometimes, when you’re young, this can be cute. The problem is that guys who do this are often really insecure and have no idea how to behave in a social situation. I’d prefer quiet guys over loud ones these days, simply because I’ve learned that being quiet is often a sign of maturity.
13. Doing stupid stunts to show off to girls.
In middle school, having a guy who would eat a bug for you might have been cute. When you’re pushing 30, seeing a guy eat a bug for you would probably make you hurl. Just sayin,’ it may be time to leave the playground stuff to kids.