Don't settle for his games.
“There’s a difference between really loving someone and loving the idea of her.” — Gillian Flynn
When you first met, he made you feel special, like you were the only girl in the room. If there was a crowd, you could always feel his eyes on you — burning a hole in your heart in the best way, undressing you in his mind.
You knew that he was falling in love with you. He told you so, in just as many words, and suggested that you were the girl of his dreams, the person that he’d imagined spending his life with since he had thought of such things.
When you’d listen to him talk about you to his friends or his family, you started to wonder if he was really in love with you. You brushed it off because he said that he did and his words were worth listening to.
Here’s the thing: There’s a difference between loving someone as a concept and loving someone in reality.
Sure, you can tell yourself over and over that he loves you for who you are.
You can say that he loves the way that you laugh too loudly or that you can never seem to make it anywhere on time. You’ll tell yourself over and over that he adores your obsession with flannel or the way you quote movies aloud when you watch them.
He doesn’t love you for who you are. He doesn’t love the way that you set your clocks early because you’re chronically five minutes late or the fact that you carry a minimum of two books with you at all times.
He doesn’t love the girl that you are, he loves the concept of you.
You’re the manic pixie dream girl — the girl who exists only in the minds of guys who love concepts and not girls.
You’re the person he can throw all of his wants and needs on because you fit some kind of physical ideal that he’s created in his mind. You share enough characteristics with the girl he’s created that he can block out what he doesn’t like and fill in the gaps with his own preferences.
He doesn’t love you because of the ways that you’re really quirky and interesting, but because of the quirks and interests that he’s thrust upon you in his fevered imagination, and you deserve someone who loves you, quirks and all.
This article was originally published at PuckerMob. Reprinted with permission from the author.