Love deeply, truly, and madly... especially madly.
So, what is all the fuss about?
We feel something, we say something else. We do something, we want something else. We keep holding on, knowing it will never get back to what it was like. Yet, we hold on a little longer. We make others our center, knowing we should just be our own center. We get heartbroken, yet not completely get over it (by choice).
Basically, we are a fucked up generation. Well, not literally, but we don’t understand the complexity of a relationship anymore.
We want to commit but are extremely scared of its consequences. The fact that it will bind us and make us feel completely exhausted. We are scared we might not be able to sustain it.
But why are we scared?
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Is there a true answer to this? Why aren’t we ready when we ought to be?
Well, it’s simple. We just need to align ourselves better and know our own self, our own needs and priorities first. Why engage with others, when we haven’t completely told ourselves the truth?
There is nothing more satisfying than knowing that you are at peace within your own self.
At first, it’s difficult to find. It is a daunting task… more so because you haven’t given your heart a choice to come over it. I’ll tell you exactly why we keep holding on.
It can be a relationship, it can be love, it can be friends with benefits, or it can be a platonic relationship. Whatever it is that we are in… once it ends or it doesn’t turn out to be how it was supposed to be, we panic and it’s easy to lose your sense of worth.
We keep holding on to it because we feel there is something left in it for us. Our emotions are attached to the other person and we let ourselves be in their good books. Sometimes it might work in your favor. You might actually be able to convert your relationship into a long term commitment. But, on the other hand, if things don’t work, you might be dragging yourself and letting yourself be used in the process.
As clichéd as it may sound, love is definitely consuming. It grows on you and lets you bring out the best in you. True love isn’t selfish and doesn’t demand anything apart from respect. It’s as simple as that.
If you have been in a relationship and experience a negative side to yourself, every now and then, you really need to assess where the problem lies. You might have been in a long term relationship with someone and he/she knows you in and out. It might be a great thing for you; however, if your partner assumes things about you based on your behavior in the past, it can be a big problem.
It’s important to understand why.
While you might like being told what to do and what not to, there will be times your partner might not be able to trust your decisions and assume that you will go wrong. These situations if faced time and again can lead to frustration and lack of confidence.
Over a period of time, one partner might develop an inferiority complex. This is again a bigger problem. It has a long-term effect, not only on the relationship but also on your partner's self-image.
Such a scenario can lead to long-term damage to your relationship. It can lead to questions, arguments, over explaining and dramatic reactions. Your partner might escape these situations and might leave because of trying to find self-affirmation somewhere else. You might encounter this more often than not.
Hence, it’s always better to compromise and understand each other and understand where to stop. This way you are not only losing a beautiful bond, but also letting your relationship end on a bad note.
Ending on a bad note is not what you wanted and hence you hold on to a toxic relationship.
Because you did have a great time too. You did love and you did not see it coming… You don’t want to let go of that person, their habits, their likeness, and their unique ways of loving you. You will ignore the negativity the relationship is bringing in your life. Because you lose your sense of judgment.
But you can’t keep bashing yourself because of the bitter past. It would affect the future as well. Hence, it is better to end it right then and there and let yourself and your partner free of the extra stress that the relationship has to offer.
If you cannot have a fresh start with each other, let it go. And by fresh start I mean, forgive and forget. Some people completely confuse the meaning of a fresh start and still hold on to past grudges.
I do not mean give up. You will know yourself if you have given up or if the relationship has nothing more to offer than a bad taste.
True love will again find you. It will.
It comes without any notice and all of the logic that we use doesn’t apply anymore.
So give yourself the freedom and permission to love again. Love deeply, truly and madly. True to its last word.
It will evolve you, for the better. It might get stagnant, but it will take its course.
So wait patiently until it completely soaks you and absorbs you in it. Don’t give up on this one. Commit to this one and without any fear. Sign up for all the good that it has and even the bad, because you know there is something bigger about it, than just that.
And once that happens, you can tell the difference between what you really want and what you really need.
Sometimes, it’s OK to just BE.
Be your own kind of crazy.
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.