I bet you've never seen such a "Spicy" Easter Bunny before!
There was once a little boy named Sean Michael Spicer. When he was little, his most favorite pastime was dressing up in costumes.*
But these were the 1970’s and such activities for little boys were looked down upon. Boys were supposed to be tough and play with cars and trucks, not dress up in fancy furry attire.
This made Sean very upset.
He would stay in his room for hours when his parents weren’t home, and using the sewing machine he covertly stole from the Home Economics class in school, would create elaborate outfits that he later would hide in his closet.
One day, his mother found those costumes and punished Sean. She immediately made him return the sewing machine. Embarrassed and defeated, he walked back home chewing an entire pack of Doublemint gum.
Chewing gum became his new obsession as he secretly dreamt of a life where he could be free to run wild in the world with all the furry costumes one boy could handle.
As he grew up, his dream never died. He knew one day, the world would accept him for who he was. But he was bitter and angry.
Then, an opportunity arose.
It was April — mild, but still brisk. It was time for the annual White House Easter Egg Roll and the person who was supposed to play the Easter Bunny was stuck at home with severe allergies.
Sean heard the news and hopped in his excitement over to the person in charge.
“Let me have this.” He said. “I can DO this!” He insisted.
And they let him.
This is a picture of the new White House press secretary Sean Spicer dressed as the Easter Bunny. pic.twitter.com/l11CfjwAlY
— Anya O'Shea (@anyaoshea) January 23, 2017
Sean Michael Spicer was finally in his glory. In his prime, some might even say.
He was even happy enough to give an interview!
You can just feel the "Spicy" glow coming from within that Easter bunny suit, can't you?!
But then something happened. His career took a different turn, leaving him no longer eligible to don the suit he'd felt he was born to wear.
Now, in 2017, Sean Michael Spicer is our White House Press Secretary.
He's bitter again, and he's back to being angry. He went back to chewing gum. He's so consumed with his lack of costumes he can barely speak a sentence properly.
Even Spicer himself admits to missing the "good ole days."
the good ole days -- what I would give to hide in a bunny costume again https://t.co/QOlPBsMwMA
— Sean Spicer (@seanspicer) March 28, 2016
Sean Spicer: Don't give up hope. Dreams do come true.
And April is just around the corner. You never know ...
*OK, so maybe all of those details about Spicer as a little boy with a costume obsession and chewing gum addiction are "alternative facts," but the part about him as the White House Easter Bunny during the Bush Administration's 2008 White House Easter Egg Roll is true as true can be.