How to make things MUCH less complicated.
By Ian Kerner and Eli Mayer and Melanie Gorman and Lewis Brown Griggs and Sue Butler and Elizabeth Ayers-Callahan — Written on Feb 23, 2017
Sexuality is a confusing thing.
The growing acceptance of the LGBT community had brought its own set of problems.
Because now that we feel it's ok to explore, we feel a need to identify what we are.
Which is confusing for anyone.
In our latest Expert video, Senior VP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gorman asked a group of our relationship Experts for the BEST advice for people exploring their sexuality.
The responses from our team of Experts — Eli Mayer, Ian Kerner, Lewis Griggs, and Sue Butler — offer practical insights on how to explore your own sexuality, as well as how to cope with a loved one's changing relationship with their sexuality.
Understanding sexuality is more important than ever. Not only are LGBT issues much more front-and-center in the media and our daily lives than ever before, but general acceptance of LGBT people is increasing in the last 15 years.
According to Pew Reasearch, acceptance of same-sex marriage (a key marker for broader acceptance of LGBT issues) has risen across the political spectrum, including among Conservatives.
And that is a great thing! But it also means that at some point in your life, you'll come face-to-face with your own questions about sexuality, or caring about somebody who is.
To help you with this process, here are 4 rules you MUST follow if you (or someone you love) are questioning your sexuality:
1. Stop worrying about labels.
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As Dr. Eli Mayer says in the video, "The idea of sexual orientation is just a concept, not a physical reality."
So stop trying to decide if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual or any other type of sexual orientation. Spend time learning more about what you like to do and who you like to do it with — who makes you happy. That's what's important.
2. Don't hide who you are.
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Ian Kerner explains how everyone has two parts to themselves: the part we let the world see and the part we keep hidden.
Needless to say, our sexuality is most often the part we try to hide or ignore.
We need to stop that.
It's ok to occasionally let that part out and explore. If we don't — if we keep part of our true selves hidden — it will fester until one day it becomes the Incredible Hulk and breaks free, causing damage everywhere.
3. Be honest.
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Be honest not just with yourself — although that's important too! — but also with those you love, advises Lewis Griggs.
If you're in a relationship, tell your partner what you're interested in so that you can both try to find a way to make things ideal for everyone.
Neither of you will be happy if you keep pretending.
4. Be supportive.
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If someone you love has chosen to share a piece of their lives with you, be supportive.
It might be hard, but Expert Sue Butler encourages you to try to remember this has nothing to do with what you want, but what THEY want.
At the end of the day, love is love.
The details don't — and shouldn't — matter. All that matters is that you figure out what makes you happy.
The rest, as Melanie Gorman says, you can explore and figure out later.
If you, or someone you love, is going through issues of sexual identity and need guidance, please visit the websites of our Experts and contact Eli, Sue, Ian, and Lewis directly. They’re here to help.