I could not look away.
Partially I was amped at the prospect of seeing Jamie Dornan's penis. I was also curious to see how the 50 Shades franchise planned on dealing with the problematic presentation of S&M that exists within the books.
As Ana Steele, Dakota does the best she can to make a timid wet noodle seem dynamic and interesting. In the first movie she did this by overly biting her lip, but in 50 Shades Darker she seems to have figured out how to really grab out attention:
With her 100% amazing hair.
Seriously, I could've watched 50 Shades Darker fully from the perspective of Ana Steele's hair and gone away happy.
I don't know if it's because of good genes, a good stylist, or the magic of movie-making, but Dakota Johnson's hair looked impeccable and enviable in every single frame.
Do you doubt me?
Well, then may I present you with 9 times Dakota Johnson's hair was totally on point in 50 Shades Darker.
1. When she was throwing out roughly $150 worth of fine flowers and the crystal vase they came in.
She was confused and tormented and had clearly just deep conditioned.
2. When she went to her friend's photography show and saw that she was the main exhibit.
She wanted to shrivel up and die from the shame but her hair was like "AT LAST, THE ACCOLADES WE SO RICHLY DESERVE."
3. When she ate a quinoa salad.
She was proving a point by ordering what she wanted while out with Christian, but all we saw was a superfood giving her hair magical luster.
4. When she got dressed up to go to the fancy ball.
She was getting ben wa balls stuck up inside her, but all we saw was how silky her bangs looked.
5. When she was held at gunpoint.
She was fearing for her life but all we could think was that the adrenaline of the moment had to be doing something to make her hair glow even more richly.
6. When she was chopping vegetables.
She was just making dinner, but we were all considering getting extensions or taking illegal vitamins guaranteed to improve the length and health of our own tresses.
7. When she yelling at Kim Bassinger.
She might have been fighting for Christian's soul but all we saw was that one errant curl fluttering in the wind.
8. When she was sobbing over Christian potentially being dead.
She was mourning a future she might never have but we were all just like "damn girl, even your sad-hair is exceptional."
9. When she was getting finger blasted in an elevator.