5 Ways Being The "Unicorn" In A Threesome Truly SUCKS

Photo: WeHeartIt
threesome unicorn
Sex

It's not all love and three-ways.

For many couples, having a threesome is number one of their list of shared couple's sex fantasies. 

This is funny to me, as threesomes are something that I'm so well-versed in at this point that they're basically vanilla sex to me.

But that's just me, and also I am a pervert. 

If you do it right, having a threesome can be a great boost to the sex life of your romantic relationship. 

Plus, it can be just as awesome for the third party you invite to join you two in bed (or like, in the hot tub I guess, but ew and ow). 

If you do it right, a threesome can be a transcendent experience.

But (there's always a but), having a threesome isn't all laughs for third-party you invite to join you.

An attractive, unattached bisexual woman who is happy to join a straight couple in bed is often called a unicorn.

The name might be full of whimsy, but life ain't all sparkles are rainbows for unicorns. Don't let Lisa Frank make you get it twisted. 

Here are 5 things that make being the "unicorn" in a threesome pretty damn hard. 

1. You'll always be the interloper. 

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Here's the thing ... whatever their reasons for bringing you into their relationship, you're still the one being brought into that relationship.

That means that while they've had talks about what okay and what isn't, and you will too, their talks can span for days.

You are the odd woman out in the dynamic of their relationship, which means when things go south (and sadly they sometimes can) you're going to be the easiest person to turn into the bad guy.

You just wanted to have fun, they've decided to live together. 

You do the math. 

2. You don't have an advocate.

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They look out for each other, this couple who has invited you into their bed. 

But who is looking out for you?

Of course, before you go to bed with a couple and enjoy a steamy threesome, you're going to lay out your boundaries. 

But during sex when he stops and checks in with her, he may not remember to check in with you.

You're going in solo, that's the whole point, but without an advocate or partner, a threesome can feel pretty lonely for even the most sparkly unicorn. 

3. You aren't as safe. 

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Most threesomes are arranged over the internet. That's just the way it is. 

And while dating on the internet is pretty much the way it goes these days, that doesn't mean you can drop your guard about safety.

Is the nice cute couple you met going to dress you in a gimp suit and make you live under their stairs?

Probably not. But the truth is, you really have no idea. 

That's why you need to ALWAYS meet somewhere other than their house first, like at a nice restaurant. 

Heck, if they both want to have sex with you the least they can do is spring for a nice meal. 

4. You're the one doing the walk of shame. 

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Chances are high that when you finally have that magical threesome it's going to be at their house.

That's nice on the one hand (you can dash if things get weird), but also let's be real, doing that walk of shame never feels great, even if you did remember to pack a pair of clean underpants.

Why do I never remember the underpants?! 

5. Confused virgins might beseech you for favors. 

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In medieval times (the era, not the restaurant, though both rock) it was believed that unicorns would only appear to virgins and the pure of heart. 

Think about how awkward that conversation would be if some virgin approached you for guidance and you had to be all "no kid, I'm not the horn kind, I'm the willing to fuck a couple kind." You would blow their young virginal mind.