We Found Out Who's Getting The Boot On The Bachelor And DAMN!

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Buzz

FINALLY.

If you hear a strange shrill shriek reverberating through the cosmos, that is the sound of me, Becca Stokes, responding to the latest Bachelor spoilers I have just ingested. 

Even for me, a tried and true reality-TV-watching veteran, this season of the Bachelor has been hard to stomach from go. Seriously, I watch it with a massive bottle of Tums beside me at all times. That could be because I'm also eating too much pizza, but whatever, I digress.

The reason for all the anxiety? Well, it's Bachelor Nick Viall's third (and hopefully final) appearance on the Bachelor series of products.

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I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, the dude's been rejected twice after making it to the final two (I posit this is because he looks like an Elf on the Shelf but with better pecs and more body hair), and he's even taken a turn on my fav franchise Bachelor in Paradise (be still my heart). 

Nick Viall is clearly torn between true, lasting love and also women who are very, very hot and apparently very, very gifted, vagina-speaking. 

Seriously, hot girls who know how to have sex like champions might actually be his Achilles' heel. How else to explain the continued presence of Corinne Olympios?

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Nick is all about adventure and commitment, things that a woman with an adult nanny and a hatred of any and all outdoor activity might not be capable of sharing with him. But she is 24. And she has a banging body and eyes that evoke fond memories of Bambi's mother. And she loves naps and having sex. 

Is it any wonder that Nick has kept her around as long as he has so far? Seriously. I'm not surprised. The fact that she's still there has left the other girls in abject shock, thus proving that they do not understand how TV villains work. 

Well, good news, ladies of the house and everyone watching at home: Corinne is going bye-bye. 

That's right, rumors indicate that while Corinne definitely makes it to the final four (shocker, not*) it's after hometowns that she is finally (FINALLY) eliminated. 

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Hmmmm, I wonder what Nick saw that finally made him decide it was time to let this little bird fly free? 

Methinks meeting Corinne's adult nanny might have just a little bit to do with it, no? 

I mean, don't get me wrong, if I could to have a lady clean up after me, burp me, and get me snacks I'd go for it, but I'd understand that I'm giving up on the hopes of ever having a husband.

With Corinne gone that will leave Vanessa, Raven, and Rachel as the final three.

I have my suspicions as to who that final rose is going to (it takes a special sort of love to make a man want to spend more time with you after you vomit on him in zero gravity), but who do you think Nick is going to make his forever wife?

*Lol, can we please bring back saying not?

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