I Fantasize About Other Men When I'm With My Husband... And It's NORMAL

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But I would never tell him.

I watch porn; my husband knows. I masturbate; my husband knows. I fantasize about other guys (and girls) when I’m having the very rare romp in the sack with my husband; he does NOT know.

We have a pretty good marriage so it’s hard to say why I think about other people. I mean, it’s not like I’m ever thinking about someone from my past. It’s usually a celebrity or an actor from one of the many porn videos I've watched.

It’s not like I scream out someone else’s name, either. You’ll never me hear me climax to “OMG, right there, Jon Hamm, oh yeah!”

If my husband found out, he’d be sad and embarrassed. So, as much as we tell each other everything and swear to open and honest communication, this little tidbit of info is something I have to keep to myself. 


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In 2015, the sex toy company LoveHoney conducted a survey of 1,300 people and the results actually surprised me. It turns out that 46 percent of women have thoughts about other men during sex with their partner. So, I’m not alone. The number drops for men to 42 percent.  And of those 46 percent, half are dreaming of someone they work with, most likely their boss.

It makes me wonder if my husband thinks of someone else while we're doing it. If he does, it would hurt my heart — but isn’t that hypocritical? Yes, it most certainly is.

Love is complicated, but sex doesn’t have to be. As long as we’re not acting out our fantasies with other people, I think it’s perfectly safe to imagine something in your head, as long as it helps get you off. 

Some things are meant to be talked about, and some things are meant to be tucked inside a file folder in our brains. This definitely belongs in a file folder.

So keep on fantasizing, and keep on loving, because like Sheryl Crow said, if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.

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