It ain't the size of the vessel, guys.
Ask a woman what she thinks about penis size and she will most likely shrug.
Do you know who actually cares a lot more about penis size than women? Men. That's right, dudes are obsessed with their penises, which is, I know, not really a newsflash.
I do not know one woman who is insecure about the size of her vagina, but I know at least a dozen dudes who mask their insecurity about their own penis size by making jokes about it.
Hell, men and their penis size insecurities are so commonplace that there has been more than one scientific study performed to research why they care so much.
So why, exactly, do men care so much about the size of their penises?
BECAUSE OF SOCIETY.
I mean, that was kind of a joke, but it's also true.
Let's dig more into the thoughts of penis obsessed men and why they're so insecure with these 6 reasons dudes care about their penis size.
1. They fear the big kiss-off.
Whether rightly or wrongly, men think that the size of their penis could get them rejected from the big game of love.
From where I'm sitting, if a guy is in a position with a woman where she's assessing his penis and craving ye olde time orgasm, he's already won.
Once those pants are off and everything is wet and hard, it's go-time — not stop and accuse him of hiding the reality of his penis size from you.
Because we're human beings (except for Gigi Hadid who is clearly an alien from a planet where beauty reigns supreme) we all fear rejection. To be rejected over something like a lackluster penis is enough to send any dude into a spiral.
2. They're scared they can't make you orgasm.
As a woman who writes about sex, I think it's my duty to run around yelling this one essential truth from the mountaintops: The size of a penis does not matter when it comes to giving a woman an orgasm.
But guys don't really know that, or if they know it intellectually they have a hard time believing it with their little brain. You know, the one that lives in their penis.
As long as a man is eager and engaged and committed to helping a woman have an orgasm during sex his penis can essentially be an innie.
I speak from experience.
Tell this to every straight dude you meet. He needs to hear it.
3. They want to be twinsies with their friends.
You know how you tend to look at your friends and covet certain things about their appearance from time to time?
Guys do the same thing, but mostly with their penises.
Like, I might kill to have eyelashes as long as my friend Jesse, but dudes are more likely to wish that their penises were as big as their friends claim that their penises are.
Penis size has been made an important part of masculinity. All men want a penis that asserts their manliness and helps them fit in among their peers.
4. They confuse porn with, uh, reality.
Like it or not a lot of how we perceive sex and sexuality come from porn.
For women, this means stripping away all of our pubic hair and sometimes bleaching our assholes. For men, this means assuming that they need a python in their pants in order to be relatively normal.
Porn isn't real life.
And thank god.
Because let me tell you right now if I opened the door to greet the pizza man and all he had was a box with a hole for his dick in it, there is no guarantee I wouldn't go full Lorena Bobbitt on him.
5. They don't get to see a lot of ACTUAL penises.
While we live in a world that is gradually becoming more accepting of LGBT people, we don't live in a world (yet) where a man can look at another man's penis out of curiosity in the locker room without fear that he's going to be called gay for doing so.
Hey, men of the world? Looking as a penis doesn't make you gay. And, as a member of the LGBT community let me put another thing out there, gay guys like penises, but that doesn't mean they are lurking in the shadows of your locker room trying to sneak a peek at your undoubtedly average and totally acceptable penis.