They're like ROCK STARS between your legs.
Your labia get a bad rap.
I mean, I don't know you, so I obviously don't mean your specific downstairs lips, I mean as a rule and across the board when it comes to sex and how we relate to our vaginas, we women tend not to think much of our labia.
If we even think about them at all.
For some women, their labia can be a source of shame. The popular myth that floppier labia mean you're sexually promiscuous has led many women to actually get their labia cut down in a controversial procedure called labiaplasty.
Ladies, leave your perfect vagina alone!
While there is zero shame in any sort of cosmetic surgery, I do think it's a shame whenever our culture's negative view of women's vaginas and sexuality lead us to trying to change the way we were born.
Your labia are actually pretty bad ass.
Sure, they might just look like they are hanging out like a couple of pieces of wrong-bacon (or not), but the truth is they do a lot to keep you happy and healthy.
Here are five tremendous things you need to know about your labia:
1. They are the Gandalf of your genitalia.
They exist to cover your vaginal opening, get your clitoris from getting overly stimulated or (god forbid) damaged, and they help prevent the spread of disease.
STDs come a-knockin', and it's all your labia can do not to bang their staff to the ground and bellow "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
2. They are coming for thumbprints in a major way.
Not one woman on earth has labia that look exactly like the labia of another.
In fact, you could use labia to identify women, if the idea of dunking your labia in ink and then pressing them into paper wasn't so deeply unappealing.
You're unique, is it any wonder that your labia are too?
3. They are the spitting dinosaur of sex.
Some women actually find that having their labia stroked, touched, fondled or slapped really turns them on sexually (I don't know why I specified 'sexually', maybe I was worried you thought women were cars?)
Even women who DON'T get a sexy charge from having their labia manhandled (or woman-handled as the case may be) will find that their labia's get MAD engorged with blood during arousal.
Thankfully, even if you squirt, your vaginal fluid will probably not blind a man so that you can later eat him.
4. They are constantly changing just like Madonna.
Your labia are going to change dramatically over time.
In your teenage years they might be fuller, almost chubby, but as you exit puberty, you lose some of that subcutaneous fat and your labia thin out.
After menopause, this change can become more obvious. But change is normal, it's good!
Just ask Madonna.
5. They are like Dr. Evil and Mini Me.
You have TWO sets of labia.
The labia menorah are very rare and usually only appear during the festival of lights. (I couldn't resist.)
The majora are the outside lips, you know, the infamous camel toe.
The minora are the smaller, fleshier and hairless strips between your labia majora.
"Fleshier hairless strips?!" Could I have made them sound less appealing?
Think of your labia majora as a crazed villain who wants one billion dollars, and your labia majora as his slightly disturbed double.