Because you have enough on your plate to worry about.
Yes, I'm embarrassed for me too.
After all, I'm a professional sex writer! And I host a Faceook live show where I talk to people about things like anal douching and how to bounce on a penis and strengthen your core all at the same time.
I just suck at sexting.
This explains my very real and Indiana Jones-like quest for the perfect sexting app.
I'm not looking for an app where I can hide my identity. I'm not looking for a sexting app where all of the naked pictures I upload immediately are destroyed so that I can one day run for office (alas, that ship has sailed).
What I want in a sexting app is someone to take all the hard work of crafting the perfect sext out of my hands for me.
Is the name stupid? Yes. Does it conjure up images of baby dolls doing drugs? Most definitely.
BUT, does it change the game where sexting apps are concerned?
Oh, my word yes.
Here's the deal, it's a free app for your smartphone, so I'm already immediately onboard because I am deeply cheap.
The app contains hundreds and hundreds of images and GIFs that you can personalize and send to your buddies.
Can you use it to invite people to brunch or congratulate them on a job?
But you can also use it to let your BF know that you are down to bone once he gets home from work.
It doesn't matter how passionate you are about your emojis, there are only so many little symbols that you can use to communicate just how eager you are to get your sexy freak on.
Kwippit's got hundreds and they range from flirty to sexy to absolute strange.
In other words, everything a weirdo like me (who doesn't know how to sext) needs to up their sexting game in a seriously major way.
Other sexting apps may focus exclusively on finding you someone to hook up with, but Kwippit focuses on how to keep the person you are letting deep inside your vagina entertained, and that is something that is woefully lacking in the sexting app arena if you ask me.
Now if you'll excuse you, I'm off to send my boyfriend another image of a woman slowly unpeeling a banana.
Here's hoping I'm not being too subtle.